Life as a Quaker in Wales in 2019
No hymns are sung, no set prayers are read in meetings and no-one is told what to believe. Jessica Walford reports...
QAKERS. You might think of the porridge, people wearing ruffles or the Cadbury family association. But who exactly are Quakers? And what do they believe in?
Known formally as the Religious Society of Friends, Quakers, as they’re more commonly known, have been around since the 17th century, just after the English Civil War.
In 1647, a man named George Fox became disillusioned with the beliefs he was brought up with in Drayton, Leicestershire, so left his home to look for “spiritual nourishment”. Quakerism was born. Fox said worshippers didn’t need priests or churches, but instead could have a personal relationship with God.
No hymns are sung, no set prayers are read in meetings. No-one is told what they must believe. In fact, most services are in silence, only interrupted if someone feels the need to speak.
Marriages and funerals follow the same pattern, allowing members to lead the service themselves.
It’s the silence that Quakers say connects them to God. They say it means everyone can have a path to God, regardless of age, race or disability, for example. Meetings only end when two of the Quakers shake hands.
This branch of Christianity believes in peace, stillness and justice. But Quakers aim to take action, rather than just use words.
In fact, there are even Quaker houses at the UN in Geneva and New York to promote peace and justice, where diplomats and staff can work on difficult issues in a quiet, off-therecord atmosphere out of the public eye.
And in 2009, Quakers campaigned for the right to accept gay marriage – long before it was legalised with the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act which passed in 2013.
Now, just under 400 years after George Fox founded the Religious Society of Friends, there are around 15,000 Quakers in the UK – including several hundred in Wales.
On a surprisingly sunny early spring afternoon in Bridgend, I met half a dozen or so who had just finished their midweek meeting.
While sat sipping tea and eating cakes, perched on blue fabric chairs under a window with sunlight streaming through, they told me about their stories and how their faith shapes their lives.
Both brought up Catholic, Ann and Pete Thompson met at a Quaker meeting in Yorkshire and married in 1991. For both, leaving a mainstream religion they had been brought up in – and whose families were still part of – was one of the hardest things they had to do.
Ann explained: “I was brought up as a Catholic, married young and had children very young and I really found a problem with the ban on contraception. I had five children very quickly.
“It was a big dilemma because I took the rules of the faith very seriously. It was a hard marriage and finally I left.
“I felt I couldn’t pick and choose which bits suited me. It was all or nothing. Then there was the rule against remarriage and so I walked away. For a long time I was just in the wilderness spiritually.
“I walked away and started a new life in a different place and, as far is as possible, left Catholicism. You can never leave it behind all together.
“I became a social worker and living in West Yorkshire and at a turning point in my life, I met a few people who were involved in setting up a Quaker meeting in Hebden Bridge and I was invited along.
“When I went, I felt very at home. I felt very comfortable with a much more open and accepting and non-dogmatic faith. It became my faith and the meeting became an almost spiritual family. I felt very supported and very valued by it.”
Ann met future husband Pete in Yorkshire. The couple now have eight children between them.
“Pete and I have been together for quite a long time,” Ann said. “It was only when we both became Quakers that we got married. It was the first Quaker marriage in Hebden Bridge in 1991.
“It was the second marriage for us both, so that was pretty special.
“Because there isn’t a priest or a minister, the Quaker belief is that nobody marries a couple – they marry each other in the sight of God.
“It was very inclusive. It’s a meeting for worship and people are sitting quietly, then when the couple feel ready, they stand and they make their promises to each other and they sign the register. Then it’s completely open for anybody to say what they want to say. Maybe they want to say something about the couple or do a reading or sing.
“At the end, everybody present signs the register. So we have a certificate of marriage and it’s got 120 signatures there, even the children. It’s a good way to do it.”
For former social worker Pete, it was a similar journey to his new faith.
“Ann started going to a Quaker meeting there,” he said. “It took me a little while to find the time to go, but we had a residential weekend in an old Quaker house in the Peak District. Partners were invited to go along, so I went. Then, on the Saturday morning, there was a meeting for worship.
“I had a very clear memory – I was brought up Catholic but drifted away from the Church. My father was from Ireland and very Catholic and I remember in the pub one night over a pint of Guinness, him asking me: ‘Why don’t you come to church anymore?’
“I said I just don’t see that it’s relevant. I think what we should do is just sit there and if anyone’s got anything to say, they should say it and just listen to people. I sat there and remember thinking, ‘I’m just talking about Quaker worship to my dad and I’d never heard of the Quakers at that time’. That was it. I thought, ‘I’m in the right place’.
“The more I’ve attended worship and had experience of Quakers, the more relevant it’s felt.”
His job, too, helped with his faith.
“I was working with people with learning difficulties, but then I became a social worker, working with children with learning difficulties,” he said.
“The idea of looking for God in everyone is really helpful when you’re working with people with a profound learning difficulty, because they’re not someone to be pitied, they’re someone who has their own spark and you can find a way to relate to them and to treat them as an equal.
“We’re all equal in the sight of God.”
For 50-year-old Neil Allcock, from Ringland in Newport, this is his second week attending Quaker meetings. Despite being an atheist for most of his life, he discovered Christianity two years ago. Now he’s trying out all the churches in Bridgend to see which fits him best.
“I’m new to Christianity,” he said. “I’ve only been Christian for two years.
“I thought, ‘Quakers are Christian, so I’ll go and have a chat to them’.
“They told me they were setting up a meeting and I said I’ll come along. I came to know them and I’m trying to understand