Trying to cope after tragedy
A GRIEVING father is speaking out for the first time about the tragedy of losing his partner of six years during a seaside holiday and bringing up his now three-year-old son on his own.
WHEN John Davies set off for a family holiday with his fiancée and young son, little did he know his world would soon be turned upside down.
The family hit the road for what was supposed to be a fun-filled five days at Trecco Bay holiday park in Porthcawl.
Soon after arriving, John’s fiancée, Eleanor Rees, began to feel unwell. And, not long after arriving, the 34-year-old went to sleep – but she never woke up.
Now, one year on from that devastating day, John, who lives in Penllergaer in Swansea, is speaking out for the first time about the tragedy of losing his partner of six years and bringing up his now three-yearold son on his own.
The 40-year-old Army veteran also opened up about how he is now helping others in the community.
“She was feeling a bit unwell, she suffered with mental health anyway and I gave up work to care for her,” John said.
“She was okay going there.
“She really wanted to go on the trip, she just didn’t want anything to eat.
“We put it down to her anxiety because she suffered really bad with it. She just wanted to go to sleep, so I kept checking on her throughout the night.
“Then, on Tuesday morning, she didn’t want to get up, she just wanted to sleep.
“I put my son to bed around 6.30pm and I went to check on her at 7pm, she was drowsy.”
John went back to check on Eleanor again to see if she wanted anything to eat. But he couldn’t get a response.
He said: “I turned on the light and I felt her hand and I realised how cold her hand was.
“I looked at her and she was blue in the face, her hands were going blue.
“I pulled her off the bed and began CPR when I was ringing the paramedics.
“I did 40 minutes of CPR but unfortunately she didn’t pull through it.”
An inquest into Eleanor’s death is yet to be concluded.
And for John, getting through the past year has been one of the hardest things he has ever had to face in his life.
His advice to anyone going through anything similar is to “stay strong”.
“It’s been honestly quite horrific the last year, but I’ve got to soldier on. I am ex-Forces,” he said.
“I’ve sort of gone into military training. I’ve got a three-year-old, I’ve had to keep going for him, but it’s been hard.
“My world had turned upside down, I lost my fiancée and we had just had a son.”
John says that looking at his young son asleep gives him the strength to keep going.
“When your child goes to bed, just look at them when they are sleeping. That will give you the encouragement to keep going. You can do it, I didn’t think I could to be honest,” he said.
The Army veteran says he always talks to his son, Maxamus, about his mother, and that knowing he is the only person his son can rely on keeps him strong.
“He’s starting to ask questions about his mammy now, but I’ve got pictures everywhere around the place,” he says.
“I’ve got photos on my phone for him and videos of him and his mother when he was really young.
We always talk about her.
“I’ve got to survive with him. He’s doing well, my boy has given me so much strength, he is like a little rock. It’s been a bit of a challenge to be honest, but it just comes from inside.”
Not only does John have to deal with having lost his fiancée and his little boy’s mum, he also deals with post-traumatic stress disorder from his days in the Army. And he suffers with flashbacks from the day Eleanor died.
“It was pretty bad,” he says. “I could be playing with my boy and have a flashback of me doing CPR. I get flashbacks from my service time and losing my partner.”
In the past year, John has decided to volunteer by running a food bank in a drop-in centre and he has set up a project called Men’s Shed in Swansea’s Blaenymaes which helps men struggling with their mental health.
“I’ve been doing some good and I’m benefiting from it, I fill my days with volunteering, which has been great for me,” he says.
“The thing that’s been the hardest is going through Christmas, birthdays, the new year, Mothers’ Day then my son’s birthday.
“But it’s good to have this voluntary work to escape to. I’m doing all this in her name for mental health. My drive is to help people suffering with mental health. I’m giving something to the community, so I am getting something out of it.
“With Men’s Shed, we secured funding from the council and turned a garden into a community allotment space. We find that men talk more when they are doing stuff, and by us talking we encourage them to talk.
“Without Men’s Shed or the drop-in centre I would be sat on the sofa in a mess.”