DIVING IN TO HELP MEN IN NEED
A MAN who was told he would have to wait three months for bereavement counselling after losing his dad decided to do something about it and has set up a men’s mental wellbeing group.
Lads & Dads was founded by Rob Lester and has members aged from 18 to 70.
WHEN Rob Lester was told he would have to wait three months for bereavement counselling he was confused as to how to look after his mental health until that point.
In February, 2019, Rob lost his dad to pulmonary fibrosis, a degenerative lung disease. He said: “It wasn’t entirely unexpected, but still came as quite a massive wrench in the family.”
Rob recalled getting through the immediate week after planning and speaking at the funeral, but as the days passed he properly came faceto-face with grief.
“It wasn’t sort of a week afterwards. It really hit me in terms of what had happened.”
Not wanting to allow himself to become consumed by the feeling, in early March Rob reached out to his GP who referred him to a bereavement charity.
The charity, however, informed him they had no appointments available until June, three months later. Rob recalled taking the appointment and, in the meantime, “self-counselling”. Watching shows like Ricky Gervais’s After Life helped him feel less alone with his feelings, but he noticed he wasn’t being open about how he was really feeling to others.
Inspired by his own experience and his growing awareness of male suicide rates, Rob used local Facebook groups to put out some feelers for a men’s mental wellbeing group.
“I got quite a few responses saying, my husband needs this, my son would need this, or my dad.”
Encouraged by the responses, even if it wasn’t from the men themselves, Rob pressed on and founded Lads&Dads.
“I managed to engage with a local councillor John Spanswick and John offered to give me some room in the community centre, and provided tea and coffee and bits and bobs.”
Cllr John Spanswick said he saw Rob’s posts on Facebook and wanted to help out. He said: “My initial thoughts about helping out were due to becoming more and more aware of the amount of young males who were taking their own lives and the ones who either couldn’t talk about their situation or felt there was nobody to talk to. The need for a local group for men of all ages was clear, but it wasn’t clear how many would actually turn up.”
Rob’s first meeting was in October, 2019, and consisted of eight men. The group met once a month where guest speakers, mental health experts and first aiders were invited to talk. However, following the pandemic the group had to move online. It was around this time that Joe Jones, 28, joined the group.
“There was a post on Facebook regarding men’s mental health or father’s mental health. I looked on the page, and I was reading what they do and what it’s about. That’s when I decided to apply for it.”
Joe was diagnosed with anxiety and depression around the age of 21, and later began taking medication. “The group’s helped me quite a lot with getting myself out of the house, a lot more than what I was before.”
Particularly when lockdown was introduced, Joe struggled with talking to people that weren’t medical professionals or his children. Since lockdown has eased Joe has been able to meet with the group in person and has felt well enough to discontinue with his medication. He has been involved in various activities including walks and cold water swim therapy.
“Last week a group of us went up to do Pen Y Fan. We all walked that on a wet Saturday.”
Other members of the group have volunteered allotments for members to use and tend, as a way of socialising and keeping busy.
“One of the boys in there who owns a couple of allotments, he’s been letting the boys from Lads & Dads come down and do some work and work with him on the allotments without costing them anything.”
From activities like this the group have been able to make new friends in the community who can empathise with each other. Knowing the strain living costs can also have on mental wellbeing, the group have started a food pantry in Brackla, where supermarkets donate food which is packaged up and sold on at a highly discounted rate.
Rob said the group was open for any men in the area aged 18 and over. It has now grown to over 400 members in the space of a year, meaning there’s a big community available to any man finding himself in need.
“We’ve got members starting at 18 and going up to over seventy years of age,” Rob said.
Joe added that the community aspect made joining far less daunting. He said: “I think part of the fact it’s not a registered service, the informal bit makes people open up a bit more. It makes it more accessible in a way.”
Cllr Spanswick added: “Looking back now it is clear there was a demand for such a group and from the first meeting of around 8 -10 people, there are now over 400 members who have access to a private and confidential chat facility through Facebook, along with walking events, an allotment project, cold water swims and many more activities to come. In addition I have just become the Mayor of Bridgend County Borough Council and have nominated the Lads &Dads group as one of my charities along with Bridgend Carers Centre to raise funds for throughout the year ahead.”
Simon Jones, head of policy at Mind Cymru, said: “Support networks, whether in person or online, can make a real difference to people’s mental health and wellbeing. Online groups have taken on a greater importance over the past 12 months while face-to-face services have been impossible.
“These self-help or peer support groups can be great for those who may not feel comfortable talking to professionals, or want to know they are not alone in their experiences. These services can be helpful on their own, or alongside treatments like talking therapies or medication.
“There are many online services available to help with your mental health. Whether that’s through your local Mind, our Side by Side project, or through more informal groups like Facebook and others. To find out more about whether online services may work for you, go to Mind’s page on online mental health.”
■ If you would like to join Lads&Dads, you can do so by visiting www.facebook.com/groups/ 612559259272314.