You couldn’t make this stuff up
was still endeavouring to swallow the last giant triangle which seemed to have lodged in her throat.
“Best to quickly remove any chance of some poor bugger taking ill.” She slurped the Pepsi. “Cause we would be stuck on this runway for hours.”
And that seemed to be Betty’s justification for devouring any trace of a nut. Refreshments served again, the duo seemed to have quietened somewhat, and I suspected that it was due to the fact that they were slurping cans of cider and munching on Pringles.
I was eventually relaxing to the sound of Whitney Houston when I was tapped on the shoulder by Barbara.
“Scuse me.” She continued to tap.
“Scuse me, but Betty needs out to the toilet.”
“No problem,” I smiled, as I cleared my tray and stood up.
Shortly after Betty had crushed my delicate pinky toe on the way to the toilet, her pal informed me: “You’ll need to be patient with Betty cause she’s got a weak bladder.”
Twenty minutes later and the now familiar tap on my shoulder signalled yet another toilet break. This time for Barbara. Yet again I packed up my Pringles and drink and stood in the aisle as Betty felt the need to snitch on her pal.
“Sorry,” she whispered as she winked and nodded.
“You see, Barbara’s got a bit of a bladder problem.”
“Perhaps the cans of cider are contributing to her bladder problem?” I sarcastically suggested, but this was over Betty’s peroxide blonde head as she continued to sip her drink.
As luck would have it, the battery on my iPod packed in, and, sitting in such close proximity to my travel buddies, I had no choice but to listen to the relentless chit-chat as Betty studied her magazine.
“It’s says, Barbara, that drama could be on the horizon when Mars and the Sun lock into a stressful Uranus in your fifth house of passion.” “Uranus,” Barbara nodded. “A sizzling attraction, con…. consee…. conceivably clandestine, could con….. con… con-shoo-mate a full-bodied fling!”
“Attraction,” Barbara nodded.
“Energised Mars is also in Leo which indicates that a hidden desire is about to come to frew-ish-shun.” “Desire,” Barbara nodded. And as she had made no attempt to reveal her hidden desires, Betty was right in there. “Is it Boab from the Cellar Bar?” Barbara shook her head. “Is it Danny from the chippy?” “I bet it’s……” “I don’t have any hidden desires, Betty,” Barbara interjected before things got out of hand.
“You know I cannae be bothered wae a man and I’m happy at the bingo with you and the lassies.”
Not giving up on her astronomical prophecies, Betty persisted.
“Well, it’s in yer stars Barbara,” she insisted.
Next minute, Barbara grabbed the tattered magazine out of her pal’s hand and began reading her horoscope before announcing.
“Betty, this magazine is two months out of date.”
Later, on seeing my cider splattered white jeans and crushed toe, Ross asked: “So how was your flight mum?”
“In hindsight Ross, the seat booking fee might have been worth every penny!”