I can’t keep up with all this new technology...
‘ JULIE!” I woke up during the night in a cold sweat yelling my friend’s name into the darkness. “Julie, keep your hands on the wheel,” I shouted like a woman possessed.
I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it difficult to get my head around the rate technology is evolving at these days.
Going back to what I would call the “start” of it all, I decided to get ahead of the game and enrol in an induction course to computers with my friend Mary.
I had some experience of computers, but for Mary everything was completely new.
Derek, our instructor, was patient but spoke to us like we were five- year- olds.
“Well done, class. Well done. You’re all doing so well.”
He turned to my classmate who was beaming with enthusiasm.
“Mary, could you please open a window?”
Mary sprung out of her chair, and it quickly dawned on me what she was about to do.
“Oh no...” I was embarrassed for her.
Despite it being a cold November morning, Mary did as Derek requested and opened the rusty classroom window.
“There you go, Derek,” the star pupil smiled.
“I meant could you open a new window on your computer, Mary.”
The class was in uproar as Mary sheepishly returned to her seat.
However, it’s not just computers which have evolved.
“Ian, do you have an old iPod you’re not using?” I had lost mine some months back and missed playing music when I was out walking or lying in bed.
“Janice, no one really uses iPods anymore,” he pointed out.
“Why don’t you update yourself and buy the latest Bluetooth earpods?
I wasn’t sure what they were so googled how they worked.
“Wireless bluetooth earpods are modern wireless headphones which connect with a digital audio signal on your phone, laptop, etc.”
I was well pleased when they arrived and managed to sync them to my mobile. However, while out walking my mobile began to ring and before I could get it out of my pocket, my daughter began speaking through my new earpods. “Hi mum.”
“Jenna, I swear, I didn’t even answer the phone and now we’re connected.”
“The phone automatically connects to your earpods mum.”
Well, to me this was something else new, so we chatted as I walked when...
“Jenna, how do I hang up now?” “Don’t you worry mum, I’ll hang up,” she laughed. “And your music will come back on!”
Sure enough, my music played again.
I relayed details of my brilliant new purchase to my friend Christine, who then said: “I’ve got a Bluetooth pillow.”
“A what?”
“Yep, I never knew what it was for or how to use it, so you might as well have it.”
Christine dropped off the pillow which, at first glance, looked just like any other pillow except for the long, thin wire coming out of one end.
That evening I went to bed and connected the pillow to my mobile and turned on my phone, and lo and behold music came filtering through the pillow.
This all seemed a bit surreal, but I lay down and as the soft music flowed through my pillow, like a new- born baby,
I was asleep in minutes.
A few nights later...
“Ju... lieeee.” I abruptly woke having a nightmare.
You see, earlier that day my friend Julie had picked me up in her shiny new Mercedes car.
I sat in the front passenger seat and the long, flashing, futuristiclooking dashboard immediately caught my eye.
“It can control everything by voice recognition, Janice,” she explained. “Or I can use the touchscreen interfaces. Hey Mercedes, what’s the temperature today?”
A voice immediately replied: “Expect a high of 12 degrees.”
Julie demonstrated one high- tech function after another until...
“The car even has a self- parking system, Janice.”
“Don’t be daft,” I replied.
“Yep. I’ll show you.”
“Do we need to get out?” I thought this was a reasonable question, but Julie laughed.
“Nope. Just watch.”
I was really nervous at handing over my safety to a voice- activated machine.
“I press this button here...”
I was clutching my seatbelt tightly and braced myself.
“Then I put it in reverse gear.” Next minute, Julie took her hands off the steering wheel and leant back confidently.
The car began to move backwards.
“Julie.”
Then forward slightly.
“Julie.”
Then backwards. Meanwhile, the steering wheel was turning left and right on its own whilst the enormous beast of a vehicle manoeuvred backwards and forwards.
I had had enough.
“Julie, put your bloody hands back on the wheel!”
Jumping out of the vehicle I couldn’t believe we were parked within an inch of the kerb and perfectly positioned between two cars. We both surveyed the positioning of Julie’s new car when my pal offered: “Do you want to have a go tomorrow Janice?
“Absolutely no chance Julie,” I puffed.
“I’ve only just mastered a bluetooth pillow!”