THE SECRET GLASGOW TAXI DRIVER Good old days before the virus...

TALES FROM THE RANK: WHAT REALLY GOES ON INSIDE THOSE BLACK CABS

SO the hot topic on the ranks this week is the government’s emergency funding for drivers – but the ins and outs of that would take 10,000 words to cover so let’s revert to a funny tale from yesteryear! I was working nights a few years back in the good old days before this bloody virus.

From memory this story took place on a routine Wednesday night when nothing much was happening then suddenly I was flagged down on Byres Road.

A rather attractive female around the age of 40 jumps in suddenly and shouts: “Follow that car!!” pointing at a white Mercedes up ahead.

So off I went as I thought to myself, this could be a little earner here.

I drove through the city before heading to the Shawlands area – not the most direct route but hey ho I’m just doing what the customer asked.

The car stops off at a bar close to Queen’s Park, a male and female get out, lock the car and disappear into a pub.

By this point my punter is setting up some fancy camera with a long lens and explains she has had her suspicions for some time and wants out.

Now I ain’t no marriage counsellor but I made the assumption she wasn’t looking for one last photo of her husband for old time’s sake!

At her instruction, we sat waiting for well over an hour and I got the full story of where they met, kids, houses, holidays etc.

I thought to myself this woman is getting more attractive by the minute – she’s loaded!

After nearly two hours Pinky and Perky came out from the pub holding hands – then they both stopped right in front of us and gave each other a big snog.

At that moment, my new pal was frantically clicking away on her camera .... she put down her window and from no more than five metres away she says: “Thank you darling, that kiss just cost you half a million – night night!”

And that was that. It amounted to three hours work on a Wednesday night for me and five crisp £20s were handed over before my friend headed home herself.

No, I didn’t go with her!

No, I didn’t get her phone number!

No, it’s never happened again since! Anyway, if nothing else – a bit more exciting than a dissertation on funding eligibility, I’m sure most of you will agree!!!

Stay safe.