Rearranging buttons on the Titanic: COP26
MY MANIC WEEK AT COP26 ...
Walking through the Exhibition Hall at COP26, browsing at the stands from countries around the world, I was aware one of the many entourages, that was barrelling though the venue, was sweeping towards me.
The man in the middle of this fast-moving parade looked vaguely familiar.
Just as the party was passing, it came to me. It was Leonardo DiCaprio. Hollywood star, Oscar winner, Jack Dawson, Romeo Montague, the Wolf of Wall Street, and he was heading to the Kew Gardens pavilion.
While waiting for him to come out, I message my colleagues and newsdesk to tell them I’ll send a photo as soon as he’s out. The newsdesk expects but one colleague’s reply was ‘Never mind a pic, get his number”. He’s still got it, has Leo.
Word spread so, when he emerges, it is to a crowd 10 times larger than the four or five of us there when he went in.
DiCaprio was meeting the Costa Rica President to discuss deforestation and protecting species and habitats, just in case anyone is interested in the reason he was at COP26.
The aforementioned promised pic was impossible in the melee and Leo is ushered away through the hall towards the exit into the main SEC concourse. But you can’t fail to deliver a promise to the newsdesk, so I find myself plotting a detour hurrying through the hall to head the scrum off at the pass.
Just in time to be right alongside the star and whip out my phone and get on to video mode.
Leo suddenly remembers he is a movie star and pulls out a pair of shades from his top pocket, even though he is indoors in Glasgow, in November. Or maybe the flashing of cameras had something to do with it.
I need words, I could say ‘Leo my daughter had a little postcard pic of you on the wall in the late 90s’. She did.
Instead, I call out “How are you enjoying your time in Glasgow, Leonardo?’
That, deservedly, went down like the Titanic and he was off and away up the escalator, back to his movie star world.
I had been dinghied by DiCaprio.
Hello Joe
Later, it was President Joe Biden, entering the main hall for the summit. To be just feet away from the so-called ‘Leader of the free world’ was strange. But you can’t help smiling being so close to the man who defeated Donald Trump.
This time I said nothing but an STV reporter shouted out, asking if Mr President had a message for Scottish Television viewers.
Again, unsurprisingly, there was silence.
Wrong place, right time
The night before I was at an Extinction Rebellion protest in Kelvingrove Park, targeting the world leaders’ dinner in the nearby museum.
They were drumming and dancing and chanting.
But they were nowhere near Joe Biden and co, separated by trees, tennis courts, Kelvin Way, bowling greens, more trees and not least a huge police presence.
One speaker suddenly realises only the birds in the trees can hear them and tells the crowd: “The cavalcade is passing Argyle Street, perhaps we could be a
presence at the roadside.”
Even in our growing cashless economy, you could hear the sound of pennies dropping all around the crowd and off they went, snaking out the park, led by the drummers only to be stopped by the police one street away.
Pitch imperfect
What wasn’t funny was the number of people, many women on their own, trying to get home to the other side of the cordon and being diverted through the park by police.
It was pitch dark and rightly, many made their feelings known through social media.
Another example of the people in the city being shoved aside with little thought, to accommodate the circus coming to town.
Travel injustice
The free travel pass is another example.
As accredited media, I get free bus, train and Subway travel for two weeks to get to and from the SEC from anywhere in Scotland.
I used it and immediately felt uncomfortable as others who use the bus every day, paid the ridiculously high fares we have in this city.
And they are paying for a service plagued by delays and disruption, again all to accommodate the COP26.
Let them wear buttons
The political leader summit was not the only circus in town. The royal family wagon was not far behind.
For the Kelvingrove dinner, Charles and Camilla and William and Kate were on hand to welcome the guests.
We were told, courtesy of one news outlet, that Camilla was wearing a dress with ‘buttons recycled from another outfit’. So, there we have it, Charles has a carbon footprint the size of a small country but it’s ok as it’s offset by Camilla having someone shift some buttons from one dress to another.
As Leonardo might be familiar with, this is akin to rearranging the buttons on the uniforms of the orchestra on board the Titanic.
Leo suddenly remembers he is a movie star and pulls out a pair of shades from his top pocket