Worries over big bill for partner’s Euro final jaunt
Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk
Dear Janice, my partner is a lifelong Rangers fan, so when they qualified for the Europa League final, he was behaving hysterically like he’d just won the lottery!
Before the result, we both agreed that if his team qualified he could go to Seville with his mates, so long as the cost was within our budget because we also had to keep money aside for our summer family holiday.
But, when he finally told me what he had spent on flights etc, I nearly collapsed!
There is no money left, in fact, he spent even more on his friend’s credit card.
I have no idea how I’m going to break it to the kids that their holiday is not happening because their dad blew the holiday money.
He promises that he will make it up and find a way to take us away in the October break, but I am so angry and upset that I can barely look at him.
I know I need to calm down when he returns, and I can’t stand months of aggro over this, but I feel he betrayed my trust. How do I forgive him? JM.
Dear JM, by the time you read this your partner will likely be in Seville, and the deed will be done.
I’m not a football fan but have witnessed the hype, excitement, and enthusiasm of Rangers fans following the result.
From what I gather, for your partner, this is like winning the lottery, and as much as I’m not condoning his reckless behaviour, he has been caught up in the exhilaration and tribal behaviour of thousands of like-minded fans. Trust me, he won’t be the only one who has overspent in the last couple of weeks.
This is a massively important once in a lifetime trip for him so I would text him and give him your blessing.
The way I see it, you can send him all the bad vibes you can muster, but he is there now and the money is spent or, you can go with it and look forward to the sucking up he will have to do on his return,
Surely this is a better option than him listening to his mates’ never-ending account of the trip he missed, and you having it cast up a thousand times over the next twenty years!
I imagine your Rangers mad other half will do his utmost to give you and the kids the sunshine holiday you deserve. So….let it go, calm down, and let him know that although not all is forgiven…. you’re with him all the way.
Dear Janice, my partner can’t hold on to a job and I am continually bailing him out.
He finds work, but for various reasons, he quits or is let go.
I have two jobs because I want to afford holidays, nights out, and buy myself clothes etc, but I have to help him pay his child maintenance and clothes for his kids from a previous relationship.
I love him and want to help, but my resentment is building and I don’t know what else I can say to him. Sarah.
Dear Sarah, if you are continually supporting a man who rarely works and are funding him and his kids from a former relationship, your love will soon be replaced by bitterness and anger.
Perhaps, he is taking on jobs he hates which results in him leaving or being sacked due to his apathy.
Putting a square peg into a round hole never works, so focus on him finding a job which he will enjoy and in return stick to.
Give him another chance to step up, not only to be the provider for his children, but the equal partner you need him to be.
If he continually fails, then I would move on before you waste years of your life subsidising a man who is willing to let you.
Believe me, he will soon find another source to feather his nest.
Dear Janice, one of our friend’s behaviour is erratic and out of control. Her drinking is off the scale, she sleeps with anyone and everyone, and now has received a verbal warning at work about her timekeeping and constant days off.
She has had it tough as she lost both her parents within a short period of time before Christmas last year.
We have tried all sorts to help her, but are at the end of the line with her behaviour and just don’t know what else we can do to help.
Where do we go next? Mary.
Dear Mary, some people need to hit rock bottom to realise the gravity of their situation, and it sounds like your friend is almost there.
She is grieving for her parents and needs help in coping with her loss. It’s still early days since they passed, but she is at the point where she needs professional help to cope with life without them.
You have tried your best, but now it’s time she visits her GP to seek counselling, and perhaps medication. Also, her workplace has a duty of care to help her too and most places can offer appointments with a workplace counsellor, which is strictly confidential. The sooner she seeks professional help, the sooner she can start to mend.