I don’t know how to move on from my pet’s death...
Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk
Dear Janice, my beloved wee dog has died and I just can’t get over it.
Ten weeks later I thought I would have gotten things into perspective and wouldn’t be quite as upset as I still am.
But everywhere I go there are reminders of her which set me off again.
She was only three years old, but after a short, unexpected illness the vet said the kindest thing to do for her would be to put her to sleep.
When she explained everything it all made sense at the time, but now I bitterly regret my decision.
What if I had paid for medication and it lengthened her life? What if I had taken her to another vet for another opinion?
I feel so guilty and am lost without her.
It seems awful to say, but I don’t think I felt this grief when my elderly mum passed away.
What can I do to get over this pain and move on? Jane.
Dear Jane, unfortunately, compared to humans, dogs have a much shorter life span. And tragically for you, your wee dog was very young when her life ended.
You sound like a gentle, caring person, so I have no doubt her short life was the very best it could have been. People seriously underestimate the love you feel for a pet, and the affection, love and loyalty you get back in return.
Trust the professionalism of the vet. Under no circumstances would a vet advise putting an animal to sleep unless they wholeheartedly knew it was the kindest option.
Perhaps your wee dog could have lived a little bit longer, but in what state, and in how much pain? You have good memories and not ones of watching her deteriorate in front of your eyes.
Time does heal, and life does move on. One day, you will know that the time is right to adopt or buy another canine buddy who will bring happiness back into your life again. In the meantime, take care.
Dear Janice, I am eight weeks pregnant, but at this stage I don’t
know if I want to tell my partner as I am on the verge of ending our relationship.
I’m sure he would be over the moon, but how do I tell him this “good” news, and in the next breath say we are finished?
I know in my heart I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him (we’ve been together since school). Because of this, I am now wondering if I should have this baby as it will always be a “link” to him and I really feel like I need a fresh start in life.
Where do I even begin to sort this mess? JM.
Dear JM, you have begun because you contacted me.
Your feelings are all over the place, but you are still early in your pregnancy, so take a deep breath before you make any life changing decision.
Speak to the person you trust the most, and who can be there for you irrespective of what you decide.
Someone will be hurt either way because you and your partner will soon be pulling in different directions. But this doesn’t mean you can’t be great parents. If you do keep the baby then you must tell him. Despite wanting a clean start he has the right to be part of his child’s life, and your baby has the right to know its father. Good luck.
Dear Janice, I have finally left home and moved in with my long-term boyfriend, but I am struggling to adjust to our life together. I feel so low and moody, whereas he is bubbly, excited and happy.
We have moved 20 miles away so it’s not easy to nip in and say hello to my sister, or meet my friends for a catch up, and I miss my mum and dad so much too.
My commute to work is longer which means I have to get up earlier and am home later which is wearing me down.
I can’t burst my boyfriend’s bubble, and don’t want to look like an immature fool, but I just want my old life back.
What do I do? Sophie.
Dear Sophie, please don’t underestimate the emotional impact this new change in your life can have.
For the first time, you are physically detached from your mum and dad. The cord has to be cut at some point, but who said it would be easy?
Speak to your boyfriend. His overzealous behaviour is likely because he has noticed how low you are. Tell him you feel like a fish out of water living in a town with strangers and having no friends nearby, and that you miss everyone in your old life. He might be upset, but I’m sure he will understand. Give it another couple of months, and in that time get to know people socially. Invite your friends to come and
stay over, and I bet your parents would be delighted if you cooked them Sunday lunch.
If by the end of that time you still feel as miserable then I suggest you move back home and spend each weekend with your boyfriend. Then occasionally lengthen your stay until you feel the time is right to move back in permanently.