I have a kind husband but I am seeing my colleague...
Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@ glasgowtimes. co. uk
Dear Janice, I live a very complicated life and am aware it is mostly my fault, but I don’t know how to change it.
I am married with a small son but have started a relationship with a woman too. She was a friend who has become more than a friend.
I am happily married. My husband is generous, kind and a great dad, but somehow my friendship with this colleague has gotten out of hand. We see each other every day at work and can’t keep our hands off each other, but then I feel so guilty afterwards.
My husband has no clue as he assumes I am out with work mates when I am really with her.
I am torn. I have a good life with my husband, but I would miss my new partner terribly if we were to part.
What do I do as I need both in my life? Helen.
Dear Helen, talk about having your cake and eating it ... You want icing on it too!
When you say it is ‘ mostly’ your fault, I am speechless because what you are doing is incredibly deceitful, unfair to your loving husband, and it IS your fault.
There are countless people who would give anything to turn back the clock and change the bad choices they made, but they can’t, and live a life of regret.
You and your husband have a child together and you love him, so why risk what most people yearn for?
I am aware that we are not all the same and that some people find it difficult to find a person who can fulfil all their emotional needs so they look for other relationships.
Endorphins are at an all- time high with a new love and it becomes a bit like a drug, they need more and more.
I get it. But it still doesn’t make what you are doing right because ultimately someone is going to get deeply hurt.
I would distance myself as much as is physically possible from this woman and concentrate on your family before you become just another statistic.
If you find it impossible, then find another job. Believe me, when you look back, you will wonder what the hell you were playing at.
Dear Janice, I get on really well with my girlfriend of six months but she only wants to see me every now and then, whereas I would happily see her every day of the week if I could.
I offer to take her to the cinema, lunch, walks, you name it and I have suggested it but she is always busy with other things.
She insists she is not seeing anyone else, and I believe her.
I know she has a lot of people in her life and is busy with work and clubs etc, and that I have to ‘ wait my turn’, but it stresses me out at times not knowing where I stand. Stephen.
Dear Stephen, it is crystal clear where you stand. At the end of a very long line.
Please listen when I tell you that if this ‘ girlfriend’ wanted to be with you, then she would make time. She obviously doesn’t. Sounds brutal but I doubt I am wrong.
When we meet someone we are super keen on, we always find ways to manipulate our busy lives to be with that person, and that’s the way it should be.
Simply put, this lady isn’t attracted to you the way you want her to be, therefore she doesn’t prioritise you.
Accepting that your feelings will never be reciprocated is tough, but if you want to remain friends it is what you must do.
However, if I were you, I would try and move on. No need for drama, just hold back with the invitations, distance yourself, and leave her be.
If she misses you, fantastic. If she doesn’t, you must accept what her absence is telling you.
Dear Janice, one of our friends drink drives regularly. She doesn’t get absolutely hammered but she would still be over the limit if she was breathalysed.
She gives us lifts home so some of my friends accept her behaviour. I have made disapproving comments and wise cracks, but she just says ‘ life is for living’ and laughs it off.
I am really concerned, but how can I get her to stop? Julie.
Dear Julie, life was for living for many people until some irresponsible idiot like your friend cut theirs short.
Stop the wise cracks and have a frank and very stern conversation with her about this, and never again accept a lift from her when you are socialising as this would be completely foolish and perilous.
Sadly though, after all this time it is unlikely she will pay much heed to your concerns, so when you are next out socialising and she heads to her car after consuming alcohol, speak privately to the landlord or pub manager and ask them to call the police.
They will have no qualms about doing this as drink driving leaving their premises could affect their reputation.
Going about it in this manner keeps you from any blame, repercussions or feelings of guilt.
Julie, taking these steps before the worst happens is for the good of everyone.