IS THIS THE MAN I WANT TO HAVE A PUPPY WITH?
Relationships in later life may not involve the struggles and joys of shared parenthood but, as writer Tessa Cunningham has discovered, there are other ways to experience the patter of tiny feet…
It’s one of those idle questions you ask yourself when you fall in love in middle age: what would have happened if we’d had children together? Would we have squabbled over whose turn it was to get up in the night? Which of us would have been the stricter parent? Could our relationship have survived the stresses of a newborn?
But Richard and I met in our late 50s, and I assumed these were experiences we were never going to share. Certainly, after two failed marriages, I was wary of anything that smacked of commitment. Then, five months ago, we got a puppy. And, even down to the surge of hormones that have been unleashed, it’s changed our relationship almost as much as any baby could.
I met Richard – divorced like me with two daughters in their 20s – on a dating site four and a half years ago, and our very first date was a dog walk. When Ollie, his elderly Border terrier, shambled over to sniff disdainfully at my cockapoo, Milo, I turned my attention to his owner and was met with cornflower blue eyes and a lovely smile. When we finally parted after a muddy walk and a long pub lunch, Ollie clambered into my car confidently expecting a ride home. It seemed as though he too knew
this was the beginning of something big.
I rapidly came to love Ollie. But then last Summer, after he’d suffered a series of fits, the vet suggested it would be kindest to end his life. Ollie died in Richard’s arms and left a huge canine-shaped hole in our lives. I hated seeing Richard despondent. Much as Richard loves him, eight-year-old Milo has always been mine, and I knew the only thing that would make him really happy was a new dog. Suddenly I found myself tussling with an unexpected dilemma: was this the man I wanted to have a puppy with? I was worried about the stress that having a puppy could put on our relationship. And how would I feel if we split? Even the most level-headed couples can end up battling over the family pet (20% of those separating felt deciding who would keep the pet would be as stressful as determining their children’s future, according to research by the Dogs Trust).
But as the weeks rolled on, I realised it was time to follow my heart. And so Otto, an adorable Border terrier puppy, came into our lives. Pushing a cart around the pet store the night before we brought him home, we gasped at the tininess of the collars and the prettiness of the puppy beds. It was as though 25 years had vanished and we were choosing a cot and pram for our first child.
The following night, with Otto finally settled, we lay giggling with happy nervousness, shushing each other in case we disturbed the sleeping baby downstairs. When new-mum nerves woke me in the middle of the night, I found the bed empty and heard Richard downstairs gently lulling Otto back to sleep. Like any conscientious new dad, he’d slept with his ear half cocked in case the new arrival cried.
I’m enjoying seeing a softer side of Richard. Watching him cradle this tiny creature melts my heart. There’s an echo of the young dad I’ve only ever seen in photos, carrying his newborn daughter in a papoose or pushing her big sister on a swing. He rushes home from work and I have to stop myself from announcing: ‘Here’s Daddy’. It must have been like this when Richard bounded home to read his girls bedtime stories. It’s heartbreakingly sweet.
Yes, there have been strains. I feel Otto needs formal training; Richard has a more relaxed attitude. But, being older and wiser, we talk things through rather than argue. Getting our puppy may have been a leap of faith, but having a stake in a joint future is better than I dared hope. And commitment? Somehow it just happened...