My child cannot cope with university life
My daughter is at university and wants to drop out because she is depressed. It’s clear she’s overwhelmed. At first she enjoyed it, but after a few months she started coming home every weekend and has few friends. She’s told me she suffers from panic atta
TANYA SAYS If your daughter is struggling with clinical depression and an associated anxiety disorder, this needs to be assessed and treated as a priority over her education. It may be the home-to-university life transition that she’s found difficult, or, as you suspect, something may have triggered these mental health difficulties. The key to helping her is to understand the what, why and when of what she is experiencing.
Leaving the security of home to go to university can be extremely challenging. Given your daughter’s frequent trips home, it may be that she has never felt confident to really integrate and is struggling to develop into a self-sufficient young adult. When these anxieties are so overwhelming, they can lead to self-isolation, which intensifies feelings of despair. She may struggle with social anxiety, which means she struggles to socialise, and this has led to feeling alone.
About one in four young women struggle with anxiety and depression, with social anxiety affecting around 13% of people. A 2016 Yougov survey of Britain’s university students highlighted that 27% (34% female, 19% male) report having a mental health problem. The difficulty for anyone with mental health difficulties is that their judgement is impaired and decision making feels impossible. Add to this a fear of judgement and low self-esteem and seeking help will feel overwhelming for your daughter. The priority is for her to access treatment as soon as possible.
To begin with, she should visit her GP, who can assess her difficulties, discuss treatment options and make necessary referrals. She should also speak to someone at her university student support service, where she can access therapy and counselling. For a local private practitioner, see bps.org.uk and use the drop-down menu to find a clinical psychologist who specialises in treating young adults.
The treatment would involve cognitive behavioural therapy and, if indicated, medication. By building a relationship with a mental health practitioner, your daughter can untangle the issues that overwhelm her and develop coping skills. The therapy will enable her to manage negative thoughts and challenge herself to develop a lifestyle where she does not avoid social interaction and stabilises sleep, diet and exercise. The main message is to not allow anxiety to become a self-sabotaging bully.
It might also be prudent for your daughter to think about taking the rest of this academic year out and restarting her second year after she’s received treatment. There’s no shame in this, as there wouldn’t be if she had a physical health problem. For her to try to keep up with her studies while feeling so overwhelmed will just add to her burden of stress. If she were to come home and access treatment, she could also find ways to improve her self-esteem and ability to socialise by getting a job while she is there.
With the treatment delivered by professionally accredited mental health practitioners, your daughter will overcome her psychological difficulties and build resilience, which will enable her to positively and actively engage with life and fulfil her potential. I wish her well.
There’s no shame in her taking the rest of the year out