‘AS A PARENT, WHEN DO YOU EVER STOP LEARNING?’
HRH The Countess of Wessex on helping children through challenging times
The children’s counselling service Childline has been described by its founder, Dame Esther Rantzen, as ‘the fourth emergency service’, and during the recent months of lockdown, and with many schools closed, its services, which support vulnerable youngsters and those in danger, have become more important than ever before. Thousands of children have been contacting the organisation every week for help and advice, often with nowhere else to turn.
Nobody is more aware of the amazing work that is being done than Sophie, The Countess of Wessex, who is patron of Childline and also of its parent organisation the NSPCC, a role that she took over from Her Majesty The Queen, in 2016, when the monarch turned 90.
The Countess is very involved with the charity, and in the past has not been afraid to highlight serious issues, such as online child exploitation. As a mother of two children – Louise, 16, and James, 12 – she admits that she finds many of the stories she hears upsetting, but she is determined to make a difference. ‘It is a good thing that there are plenty of tissues in the NSPCC offices!’ she says.
Good Housekeeping was invited to join The Countess on her visit to Childline’s headquarters in London, joining counsellors in online chats on a shift as they responded to phone calls and emails. Afterwards, The Countess spoke to GH’S editor-in-chief Gaby Huddart about the work of the charity and shared her insight into what we can all do to make a difference to young people in need.
You became Childline’s first patron in 2005. Why was it important to you to take on the role?
When Esther Rantzen launched Childline in 1986, I was watching the television. It struck me immediately as a brilliant response to a problem that I had no idea was so big. I was shocked by the number of children being abused in this country, coupled with the realisation that they had nowhere to turn for help. I was so impressed with what Childline was attempting to do. But I could not have imagined that, 19 years later, Esther would ask me to become patron.
How did it feel to also take over the patronage of the NSPCC from The Queen in 2016?
This was the first patronage that Her Majesty asked me to take on and I accepted the honour immediately. The NSPCC is one of the UK’S most well-known and respected children’s charities and its name has been familiar to me for as long as I can remember. I am proud that I can support the work being done to prevent child abuse and neglect, and support those who do not have adults that protect them.
Have there been any engagements that have inspired you, or that you’ve learned from?
Every encounter with the NSPCC is an opportunity to learn. Often, my visits happen behind closed doors to protect children. This helps everyone that I meet to tell their stories. It can be overwhelming, but I feel privileged to listen, learn, affirm and thank the incredible NSPCC staff and volunteers who do such an amazing job in supporting everyone accessing the services. These meetings are often emotional: people are opening up about dreadful events in their lives. While the stories can be hard to listen to, with everything I hear, my pride in the NSPCC and what it can achieve grows, as does my determination to support it. And, thankfully, every NSPCC office has plenty of tissues!
What is the most challenging thing you have experienced during your time as patron?
Some of the stories the NSPCC has brought to my attention are incomprehensible. Knowing that each and every day there are children suffering at the hands of people who should be there to love and care for them, but instead do the opposite, is hard to bear.
You must meet a lot of very inspiring young people through your work. Are there any you can tell us about?
One young woman made a profound impression on me. She spent her entire childhood in care. She had lived in multiple care homes; sometimes for a few months, sometimes for longer. In a number of them, she was sexually abused. Her life was completely derailed. But one person gained her trust and slowly she started to turn things around, attending college and gaining qualifications. By the time I met her, she had a job as a support worker for other young people in care, trying to prevent them from being moved around the system, to give them the stability she never had. She was an inspiration.
What my work with the NSPCC and other charities has taught me is that young people are extremely resilient and resourceful, but they need an opportunity and a helping hand
Given care and love, a child can recover and move on from the worst of starts
in order to achieve extraordinary things and overcome hurdles. Given care and love, a child can recover and move on from the worst of starts. This does not mean they will ever forget or get over what happened to them but, if they have access to the right support, they have more than a fighting chance of having the life they deserve.
You have spoken about the issues of online child exploitation, which must be incredibly challenging as a mum. How do you stay strong in the face of it all?
I can’t comprehend that people deliberately choose to abuse children and exploit any means at their disposal to do so. It’s impossible not to be affected by what I hear and encounter through my work. But I think this is how most people would feel when they hear these things; you want to do whatever it takes to reach out and help.
What should anyone reading this be particularly aware of, so that they can protect their own children or grandchildren from online exploitation?
The NSPCC has lots of advice to help parents navigate this difficult subject. There are lots of things guardians of children can do to help protect them online. Having open and honest conversations with children can help. Assisting them to understand that ‘stranger danger’ exists as much online as on the streets, and that it is important to flag up anything that they are unsure about. It is vital to provide safe communication without fear of getting into trouble. Schools do a great deal to educate pupils about online dangers and there are lots of tools available for parents to restrict access to unsuitable online sites. The more we furnish children with awareness and knowledge, the wiser their choices will be.
What can we all do to tackle this issue?
Talk! Discuss the issues and deploy wise parental controls. All of this requires mutual trust, which can be tough to achieve. But as it develops, it will make communication safer, easier and provide a place where a child’s worries can be openly discussed and dealt with together.
Many of these difficult subjects are not talked about enough publicly. How can we change that?
Most people know that child abuse exists. What they may not realise is how prevalent it is and, in particular, that the number of people accessing images of children online is growing exponentially. But by keeping this subject in the open, it helps to educate people. The NSPCC is working hard to keep the pressure up so that decision makers do more to protect children.
Following your recent visit to Childline’s headquarters, what can you tell us about the work the NSPCC and Childline have been doing to help children, teens and their families during the pandemic?
Childline faced a huge increase in calls and contact from children and young people during lockdown. With schools closed, there were fewer safe spaces for children to go to and people in a position of trust to turn to. Abuse is happening behind closed doors and I fear we won’t know or understand the true impact of Covid-19 and lockdown for some time. Counsellors had also been dealing with young people who were struggling emotionally through lockdown and did their best to help them manage their feelings during an uncertain time. Likewise, the NSPCC has not stopped supporting parents and families through this crisis, providing invaluable activities, resources and advice for managing difficult situations at home, and carrying out virtual counselling sessions where appropriate.
You undertook training to volunteer with Childline during this visit. What was that like?
The training was very enlightening and helped me to understand that, far from the counsellors taking over a situation, they ensure control remains with the child. It really emphasised the relationship of trust that exists between Childline and children, which is why the service is so successful and embedded in our society. Esther was incredibly clever when she set up the service to ensure that we are here to support children in making good choices and in allowing them to make decisions on how to deal with whatever is going on (unless, of course, they are in some kind of danger).
When I did my shift at Childline, there was a wonderful, experienced volunteer guiding me and I felt fully supported. She helped me construct responses to the emails, which I hope the young people receiving them found helpful. It was a fantastic insight into some of the remarkable work that’s done every day.
Life seems complicated for young people growing up now, particularly with social media and the pressure to be ‘perfect’. How do you help your own children navigate this tricky area?
At the moment, my children aren’t into social media, however, it is here to stay, so it’s important for them to understand it and for us to equip them with the tools to navigate it successfully. Again, I think openness is one way families can support their teenagers. If children feel they can discuss issues and worries with their parents, without fear of them, or their friends, being judged, this may give opportunity to help them with what can be a complex and very pressured area.
It’s so important that young people have adults in their lives who support and affirm them. Particularly when the virtual world can be, at times, unkind. Young people need to know they can trust someone with a problem, be that a person directly involved in their life or, of course, Childline is always there for them.
Compassion, care and kindness are now more important than ever. Why would you encourage the public to volunteer?
We are so lucky in this country to have thousands of charities doing amazing things for society. But these would not exist without the compassion and support of their volunteers. This crisis has brought out the best in our communities, whether it be neighbours offering to shop for those who are shielding, people packing food boxes and delivering them to NHS and care workers, or those spending time at food banks, where the need has risen. While volunteering, I have met so many people who have given freely of themselves these past months, and they have all enjoyed feeling useful, as have I. My hope is that those people who have experienced the affirmation that volunteering brings will somehow continue their efforts, if they are able to, because our communities will be the better for it and our charities need their support.
As a passionate advocate of volunteering, is it something you’ve instilled in your children?
Our children are very aware of the importance of volunteering and hear a lot about the charities Edward and I support. During lockdown, in particular, the children and I talked about its value. Rather than making volunteering about giving back, which in itself sounds rather onerous to a young person, I have tried to instil the idea that volunteering should be about doing something for someone and, importantly, it’s also about having fun. If a young person does a good deed and enjoys it at the same time, they will naturally seek opportunities to do more. Louise is currently undertaking her Duke of Edinburgh Award; it contains a volunteering section, which is something she enjoys very much.
What would be your advice to your teenage self?
How important is it for you to use your platform for good?
With The Queen’s leadership, and with Her Majesty having been such an amazing monarch for so long, I hope that as a family we are able to highlight the enormous good that is being done by so many organisations and people in the UK and around the world.
I hope that I am able to broaden the awareness of issues that might not otherwise get the attention they deserve, or help to attract interest to important causes that support vulnerable people. And it is precisely for this reason that serving the NSPCC and Childline is such a privilege: it’s the people and what they achieve that matters most. I just hope to help by affirming, promoting and contributing to their work where I can.
What kind of mother would you say you are? And how would your children describe you as a mother?
I would like to think that I am a loving mother without being too overbearing! You would need to ask them; I would hope they would be nice, at least about my attempts at cooking!
Is there a positive action that everyone reading this interview could take today to make a difference to children in the UK?
That’s a big question and difficult to answer. However, what I would say is that I believe we need to listen to our young people. It is only when we understand what is important to them that we can work out how to support them. I am no expert, I am still learning but, as a parent, when do you ever stop learning?
I would like to think I am a loving mother without being too overbearing