HOW WE STAY STRONG AND POSITIVE

Four celebrities share the ways they’re keeping happy

‘Doing enough is GOOD ENOUGH’

Singer Sophie Ellis-bextor has learned to let go of mum guilt and finds joy in Lego and kitchen discos.

Having five boys aged one to 16 to look after has been a great distraction during lockdown. But there’s been tension and anxiety, too. When things get tense, I try to find a way to change the script. Sometimes it’s having a run around the garden, bopping along to some music or finding an opportunity to get away for a moment, just me and my husband, Richard. For our anniversary this year, we had a picnic in the park and spent hours chatting, before watching the sun go down. It was lovely being able to finish a conversation without being interrupted! My new podcast, Spinning Plates, is basically me getting parenting tips from other working mums. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to get the balance of work and family right and feeling guilty about things. Sometimes

I feel like I’m nailing it, while other times I feel like a complete disaster! But I try to remind myself that doing enough is good enough. And the older I’ve got, the more confidence I’ve gained about making it work for me. When I toured last year, I took my 17-week-old baby, which I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing with my first child. That was incredibly freeing.

Music is my tonic. At the start of this year, I had lots of gigs planned, then lockdown happened and I was devoid of work. So Richard said, ‘Why don’t we do a gig here?’ It seemed like the most bonkers idea, but then I thought, why not? Each Friday, I’d do my hair and make-up, put on something twinkly and we’d have a kitchen disco, which we’d share on Instagram. It gave us a little rock to cling to and now we’re planning to take it on tour next year. I can’t wait!

I’ve discovered a new passion for Lego. With everyone under one roof, I needed something that was just mine, an escape. I was given a Ninjago City set for Christmas, which is complicated but beautiful. It has a crab restaurant, a sushi shop and a hotel. Every night during lockdown, I’d do 15 minutes while watching Channel 4’s Grayson’s Art Club, sometimes with a glass of wine. It really helped me switch off.

I’ve only ever had counselling on a couple of occasions, but I get very good counsel from people around me.

If there’s ever a way I’d like to be judged, it’s by my friends. I’ve known many of my girlfriends since school, and we keep in touch with just about every little thing that happens; good, bad and ugly. Sometimes, it’s not even about problem-solving, you just need someone to say ‘Oh gosh, that sounds really tough’ or ‘That must have been annoying’.

Richard is fantastic in a crisis. If there’s an emergency, I flap and get hysterical, but he’s calm and practical. When I had a bicycle accident earlier this year, I was covered in blood and he was very good at holding it together and saying, ‘We’re going to sit you down here and call an ambulance.’ If it had been the other way round, I probably would have fainted!

We keep our relationship strong by talking. Richard has taught me not to get too stressed about things, and hopefully I’ve taught him a bit about communication. There are times when we both take on too much or we have projects that go a bit wobbly, but we’ve learned not to channel those emotions in a negative way to each other. It’s easy to get into those habits and, if you don’t iron them out, it can go a bit pear-shaped.

I used to enjoy going to the gym, but the wheels have fallen off radically this year. We usually eat healthily, but lockdown was a bit like Christmas. Richard did most of the cooking and we had slow-cooked pulled pork and home-made burgers – he cooked enough for 10 and we ate it all! There’s nothing better than a comforting meal when you’re feeling wobbly is there?

 Sophie’s Kitchen Disco Tour runs 7-19 May 2021. For tickets, see ticketmaster.co.uk. Spinning Plates is available on Acast.

Sometimes I feel like I’m nailing it; other times I feel like a disaster!

‘I’m trying to get a HAPPY BALANCE’

Journalist and presenter Kirsty Wark is thankful for having her family around her at home and escapes with a good book.

Keeping in touch with friends and having conversations helps me keep mentally strong.

Friendships are very important. The older you get, the more important they are. I have a great mix of friends, from people in the media and other creative industries to freelancers and teachers. I like having friends of different ages.

I try to exercise each day.

It is important to keep moving. Socially distanced tennis in the fresh air has been tremendous. When I’m in London, I do Reformer Pilates, which I love. I can’t do it at home in Glasgow, but I have been doing some Pilates classes on Zoom.

I am quite a home person.

I am happiest in Scotland. I will be more aware about travelling in future. That’s not to say I won’t travel abroad, but I will certainly think twice about it. Recent months have made me more mindful of using time productively but also not being too rigid. It is easy to do nothing or try to do too much. I want to find a happy balance. I think you have to have some mental resilience because I wouldn’t say it was easy in lockdown all the time.

My whole family are at home, which has been a salve.

My son, James, came back from New York earlier this year, and my daughter, Caitlin, and her fiancé have been here, too. We’ve played cards and furious Scrabble – it has got hugely competitive. We’ve been sharing the cooking – James is making Mexican tonight and it will be my husband Alan’s turn another night. I am not proprietorial about the kitchen. I love it when other people cook.

Reading is so important to me.

I can’t recommend highly enough the joy of disappearing into a book. I always have an open book and usually have two or three different ones on the go at the same time. I’ve just got a contract to write my third novel, which will be set in Glasgow.

I love radio and was delighted to be asked to host The Reunion.

It’s a BBC Radio 4 show where we bring together people who have been involved in a big news story. We are always looking for surprising connections as well. There is such a variety of programmes. You go from an economic story like Black Wednesday to the first Strictly Come Dancing. There are all sorts of wonderful things that people share and anecdotes that people have forgotten.

I did consider having a nose job and even talked about it on a podcast.

My nose has been broken twice in my life, including when my son headbutted me by accident when he was little. So it means that one nostril does not operate the same way as the other. I went to see a consultant, but it turns out the fracture is vertical, so there wouldn’t be any improvement if it was operated on.

So, I am not having a nose job, after all.

Kirsty Wark presents BBC Radio 4’s The Reunion on Sundays from 11am and repeated the following Friday at 9am, until 13 September.

Recent months have made me more mindful of using time productively

‘When I feel stress, I PUT MY PHONE DOWN’

Singer and author Rochelle Humes explains how family workouts, baths and boosting her children’s resilience help improve her wellbeing.

As soon as you have children, they become your strength.

My girls, Alaia-mai and Valentina, are seven and three now, and my third child, a boy, is due in October. They motivate me, surprise me, and keep me strong every day.

Children bring a new perspective.

I love the innocent way my kids see the world. When Alaia-mai saw the Black Lives Matter protests on TV and asked me what it was all about, I tried to explain it to her in a seven-year-old appropriate way. She just looked at me and said, ‘But Mummy, if we all had the same skin colour, wouldn’t that be really boring?’ Sometimes, we all need to view the world like children do.

I want to encourage all kids to cultivate inner strength.

That was the starting point for writing my children’s books, the latest of which, The Mega Magic Teacher Swap, is out now. I think the phrase ‘you can’t be what you can’t see’ is so true, and I’ve tried to reflect this by including characters from all walks of life. Books and stories are often a child’s first love, so it’s important they see themselves in that space.

My children motivate me, surprise me and keep me strong

I love working out with my family.

During lockdown, we’d go for long walks and, more recently, we’ve started doing little workouts as a family. Every Sunday, we meet our family friend, who is a personal trainer, and he guides us through a 30-minute routine. We all really enjoy it and there’s definitely a sense of healthy competition, too.

When I feel stress, I put my phone down.

I’m quite strict, telling myself not to take anything else on. Then, in the evening when the kids have gone to bed, I’ll treat myself to a hot bath. I’ll often call one of my best girlfriends for a natter because when you’ve been Mummy all day, it’s refreshing to be reminded that you can also just be you.

My husband, Marvin, keeps me strong.

He’s level-headed, and he makes me feel like anything is possible. Whenever I doubt myself, he’ll help me to lay out the options. His driven nature bolsters my self-confidence, helping me to see that there is always a solution.

Pilates is how I find my happy place.

When it comes to exercise, I don’t like too much cardio. Pilates feels like a form of therapy, and it’s how I unwind when work pressures and family life feel overwhelming. I try to do it every day, including while pregnant. I don’t think about anything else while I’m doing it, so it allows me to switch off. I also love the satisfying ache you feel afterwards.

The Mega Magic Teacher Swap (Studio Press) by Rochelle Humes is out now. Rochelle is the founder of My Little Coco, available in store and online at Boots.

‘There’s nothing better than the WARM FEELING OF HOME’

For actress and recipe author Fay Ripley, feathering her nest is the secret to staying grounded and happy.

I find huge strength in the safety of my nest.

Having my own home has always been a priority for me. I moved out of my parents’ place at a young age and bought my first property when I was a student. I didn’t work because I wanted fame, I worked because I wanted to have and build my nest. There’s nothing better than that warm feeling of home.

Now that my kids, Parker, 17, and Sonny, 13, are teenagers, I’m determined to make our home so lovely they’ll never want to leave!

Just like a little bird, I keep reworking it to make it as comfortable as it can be. During lockdown, my husband [actor, Daniel Lapaine] and I worked through the to-do list of house jobs we’d never got round to before. If you needed me to, I could probably replace and plumb in your toilet, and I’m great at rewiring. I draw a huge sense of purpose from thinking, ‘Right, that’s broken, so let’s fix it.’

Whenever I want to comfort my family or build bridges, I bake a cake.

I leave it on the side and my husband and kids know it’s there for them to help themselves to. I hope it makes them feel looked after. When I was growing up, my dad was very strict with my diet and wouldn’t let me have any sugar, so it means a lot to me to be able to do this now that I have my own family.

Sitting down to eat three meals a day is very important to me.

I draw a sense of purpose from thinking, ‘Right, that’s broken, so let’s fix it’

If the family has been separated (if my husband or I have been away working, for example), a roast chicken goes a long way. It feels like you’re wrapping everybody in familiarity.

I find exercise a nightmare.

At the start of lockdown, I was walking the dog for an hour every day, striding uphill, feeling like I was doing really well. But then I had a check-up with my doctor. I assumed he’d praise me, perhaps even tell me to go home and have some more rosé. Instead, he told me it didn’t appear that I was doing any exercise!

He suggested things like yoga, and the 5:2 diet. The problem is, you’ll never get me on a diet because I love food too much. I eat healthily and it’s all home-made, but building physical strength is definitely something

I need to work on. Leave that one with me, will you?

Giving back gives me purpose.

I’m a patron of an amazing organisation called The Hygiene Bank, which supports those suffering from hygiene poverty, particularly families and children in the UK. Cleanliness is such a basic human need, and I find it shocking that a fifth of the population have to make the choice between heating their home, paying rent, eating or being clean. Supporting causes I feel passionate about and using the platform I have to get behind my own principles is something that feels natural to me. If you can do something, why wouldn’t you?

To donate £5 to The Hygiene Bank, text BASICS to 70085. Or visit thehygienebank.com to find out more