‘Freddie is the greatest gift I could have asked for’

Keeley Dwight went though seven years of fertility treatment before opting for egg donation to have her ‘miracle boy’.

Ihad always known I wanted a family, but assumed it would happen easily. When I was 33, working as a TV producer, I fell in love with John, a sales director, who I’d known since school. We married in 2013, and started trying for a baby right away.

We thought pregnancy would be a given, but after seven months of trying, we went to the doctor to see if there was anything wrong and we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. The doctor reassured us that we could still try to conceive naturally, but I was too anxious to wait. Thankfully, we were financially able to start IVF treatments privately, so we signed up for our first round soon after.

And so began our seven-year journey with IVF, completing eight rounds in the UK and in Spain, costing around £120,000 in total. We were so lucky that we could afford it, and I was also grateful that the IVF drugs – which can have side-effects – didn’t affect me too much, so after every failed round, I could go on.

That said, at times it was incredibly difficult. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Every time an embryo didn’t implant, or my pregnancy test came back negative, I felt a crushing sense of disappointment. At one point, I became pregnant naturally in between rounds, but we lost a baby at eight and a half weeks. Throughout, John was amazing – we were a team through all the lows.

The two rounds of IVF with testing we completed at a clinic in Spain, revealed that our embryos had chromosomal abnormalities. By that point, our chances of conceiving with my own eggs had dropped to around 2%. I realised that we couldn’t go on like this, fighting almost impossible odds, so we started considering egg donation.

Through the online trying-to-conceive community on Instagram, I found a hugely supportive group of women who had also pursued this path to parenthood, and we gradually came to terms with the idea of having a baby that wouldn’t share my genetics. It was difficult to process, but if I could carry John’s baby, that would be enough.

DREAM COME TRUE

A friend had recommended a clinic in Russia for egg donation. In the UK, egg donors are matched solely on physical characteristics. In Russia, we were able to learn more about our anonymous donor, and even see a picture of them as a child. When the doctors told us this would have a 60-70% chance of working, I felt a renewed glimmer of hope.

An embryo was implanted in October last year, and two weeks later we took a test. I woke early, woke John and crept to the bathroom. When the pregnancy test came up as positive almost immediately, we cried. We were slightly anxious for the first seven weeks until we heard the heartbeat but, from then on, I decided not to worry and believe that this would happen for us.

When lockdown was announced in March, I thought, ‘You can’t write this’! After all these years, I was pregnant during a global pandemic. I was so sad I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my pregnancy with all my loved ones. That said, I didn’t find lockdown too hard. I think a long fertility journey is preparation for a pandemic; it requires managing expectations, being patient, and having some things imposed on you that you didn’t expect or didn’t want.

Our miracle boy, Freddie, was born on 23 June. Holding him for the first time was surreal; I couldn’t stop staring at him. John had to leave straight after the birth, but I stayed in hospital overnight after an elective abdominal birth. Now it feels the most natural thing in the world, and by sharing this I hope that others feel less alone, and know there are many paths to parenthood. I won’t be asking for any Christmas presents this year, as Freddie is the greatest gift I could have asked for.

• Find Keeley @_tryingtobeamum_

Finally having my baby during a global pandemic? You couldn’t write it!