How to celebrate while grieving

Adjust your expectations as to what Christmas ‘should’ look like and accept that it will be different, and it will be hard, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still have lovely moments.

 Plan ahead to minimise the ways in which it will be difficult.

 Think about what you most need and schedule in time for those moments. Do you feel the need to don the mask and act happy for the sake of others? If so, then create time and space to be alone and give yourself a break from the ‘performance’.

If you hate to be alone and need others around for support or to help keep your spirits high, then make sure friends and family are booked in or are on standby.

 Be aware that you can ask for what you need. People will understand and want to help.

 Know that you can say no. Politely reject offers of company or parties, or ways of doing things that are not helpful. You can also say no to ‘well-meaning’ advice that doesn’t land well.

 Be mindful of what you eat and drink and don’t overindulge. It may seem tempting in the short term, but will only compound the grief in the long term if you add hangover, heartburn or self-loathing to the mix.

 Attend to your self-care by getting out into the fresh air, exercising and keeping in contact with trusted friends.  Remember other family members will not necessarily be grieving in the same way as you, and you may all approach Christmas differently. Be as gentle as you can with each other in negotiating these differing needs.

 Allow sadness and anger. Allow fun and pleasure, too. Let be what will be.  The Samaritans are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year if you feel very low (visit samaritans.org or call 116 123).