Take a no-rules approach
Think about what will make Christmas as pleasurable and easy as it can be in the circumstances. There are no rules. For instance:
CHANGE THE ROUTINE
If you are worried that it will be too upsetting to do the same things but with a gaping hole where your loved one should be, then shake up all the traditions you would normally have indulged in. Go to a different family member’s house, do the present opening at the opposite end of the day, eat the meal at a different time, ‘adopt’ another family or an elderly couple for the day to change the dynamics. Ask every family member to nominate a new activity or habit that can, over the years, become a new tradition.
KEEP THE ROUTINE
Preserve tradition, but keep a space alive for your loved one. Make time to reminisce about previous Christmases and what the person would be saying or doing at any one point. You can keep a candle burning – literal and/or metaphorical – and be very aware and conscious of them all day. You can lay a place for them at the table, put out a stocking for them, play their favourite music, drink a toast with their favourite drink, cook their favourite meal, whatever feels right so you feel they’re included.
CREATE A NEW RITUAL
Find a new tree decoration to represent them, put out a new photo – draped in tinsel or not – make a donation to their favourite charity or sing their favourite carol. You could also go on a walk with friends to a favoured place, and ask everyone to tell a funny or moving story about your loved one. Celebrate the years that you had them for, rather than only mourning the fact that they have gone.
Ask everyone to tell a funny or moving story about your loved one