Keep friendships strong

If you want to reap the rewards of great friendships, it’s vital to nurture them. Nelson recommends working out who to prioritise by writing down a list of names. ‘Ask yourself: who do I want to feel close to?’ she says. This will help you decide who to invest your time in, so you don’t spread yourself too thinly. According to Nelson, there are three essential qualities in friendships: consistency, vulnerability and positivity. Without one of these, closeness can slip.

CONSISTENCY If you’re not able to see your friends in person, find new patterns so you can communicate regularly. For example, you might speak on the phone at the same time every week. ‘I sometimes prefer phone calls to video calls as they require less energy and you’re less focused on appearances,’ she says. You could go for a walk while you talk on the phone, as being surrounded by nature can counter the negative effects of being digitally switched-on.

VULNERABILITY This means having deeper, more meaningful conversations where you feel seen, heard and known. ‘Practise mutual vulnerability,’ says Nelson. ‘Make sure you’re listening to your friend and their life, but also sharing your own life. Don’t wait for them to ask – just share what you want to share.’

POSITIVITY It’s hard to be positive when the world is consumed with so much negativity. ‘When you see or speak to your friend, think: how can I contribute positive emotions? How can we both feel good when we leave?’ says Nelson. Even if the subject matter is difficult, you can find ways to leave your friend feeling uplifted and, hopefully, they will return the favour. Try to combine all three qualities. ‘When I have my weekly Zoom call with my female friends, we take it in turns to share a highlight and a lowlight from the week,’ says Nelson. ‘It’s meaningful as we can say something that feels good, but we also show our stress and vulnerability. We all end up affirming each other and laughing, so we leave feeling loved and accepted.’