MY FAVOURITE THINGS
THE LAST GREAT BOOK I READ… The Complete Gardener by Monty Don.
MY TV GUILTY PLEASURE…
Married At First Sight Australia has kept the whole family sane.
THE SONG THAT GETS ME ON THE
DANCE FLOOR… A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay. I’m the worst dancer ever.
THE ONE I CAN’T STOP PLAYING…
Unconditional by Richard Walters. It’s melancholic but beautiful.
MY FAVOURITE HOUSEHOLD TASK…
Decluttering. I’m so good at throwing things away. My kids hate me for it.
MY DESERT ISLAND ESSENTIAL…
Sisley moisturiser. It’s expensive, but worth it.
MY MOST TREASURED POSSESSION…
A painting based on a Penguin Classic by Harland Miller, which my husband, Steve, bought for me. In fact, we both tried to buy it for each other at the same time!
MY HAPPY PLACE… The Camel Estuary between Rock and Padstow; it’s my favourite place in the world.
Congratulations on your campaign. What made you speak out?
I remember watching breakfast TV and they were saying: ‘Everyone in care homes is being vaccinated’. I thought, ‘Hang on, Frances is in a care home – no they’re not.’ When I contacted her GP, they just said, ‘She’s not in the right tier; we can’t do anything.’ I felt utterly powerless and angry, too. As the nightmare unfolded and Frances became ill, I had this rage inside me. I realised how people with disabilities had been neglected, because they don’t have a voice.
It must have been so tough when Frances was in hospital…
It was awful. At one point, I turned to Steve and said, ‘I think she’s going to have to die for people to take notice of what’s going on.’ Thankfully, she didn’t, but it came very close to that and, as a result, many others got vaccinated and lives were saved. The truth is that Frances is the one who had to do all the hard work.
What kept you strong during that time?
The support of my kids and my family was so important. We also lost two close friends around the same time, so every week it felt like something terrible was happening. I think you develop some kind of war mentality or survival instinct. When the consultant told us on a Zoom call that Frances might not survive, Steve and I felt sheer disbelief. I realised then that I had no choice but to keep going.
How did it feel to have the government listen?
Gosh, it was surreal. I got this call saying, ‘We’ve been tipped off that vaccinations are going to be given to people with learning disabilities,’ and I broke down in tears. It felt incredible.
Is more change needed for those with learning disabilities?
Yes, 110%; there’s so much more to be done. There’s very little awareness about people who don’t ‘conform’. For example, Frances has very challenging behaviour and when we took her to hospital, she was rampaging and lying on the floor, and no one knew how to deal with her. I’ve had a lot of medical professionals say they need to rethink their approach to people with learning disabilities, which is fantastic.
You’ve been a huge source of optimism for many recently with your radio show. How do you put on a brave face for work?
One of my best friends once told me that when she has a hard day ahead, she thinks, ‘Right, who am I going to channel today?’ And I’ve taken that on board. So if I need to be strong, I’ll say, ‘Okay, I’m going to be Michelle Obama today,’ or, if I need to be kind,
‘I’m going to be Julie Andrews today.’ It really helps.
Are you as composed as you seem on air?
Definitely not! Last week, I was very tired and my head was so full of stuff that I went to the news a minute early. I was paranoid about everything after that!
You’ve been in the music industry for more than three decades. What has been your biggest highlight?
Interviewing Elton John at his home was a lot of fun. It was around Christmas and on the top of his tree he had a Ken doll, which made me laugh a lot! Having Jay-z over to my house to do a show was pretty cool, too. He smelled gorgeous and he brought a bottle of Champagne, which I still have in my bedroom, unopened. He sat and ate some strawberries with my grandma and parents, and played basketball with the kids!
You’ve spoken about the social media abuse you received when you became co-presenter of Radio 2’s Drivetime show with Simon Mayo. How do you feel about social media now?
The trolling was horrible and I’m really pleased others have spoken up about their cases because I’ve realised everyone gets it. When I was going through it, it was destroying me and seeing the effect on my family was awful. A few of the comments have resurfaced recently and I think, ‘Blimey, that was harsh.’ But, fortunately, I can also laugh about them now.
What did you learn from that turbulent year?
I learned to be stronger; it helped me find my inner strength. That time was very challenging on many levels and sometimes you have to be scared witless to find that strength. Coming out of it and realising you’re still alive, you still have your family, and you can pick yourself up and carry on gives you courage.
If I need to be strong, I’ll say, ‘Okay, I’m going to be Michelle Obama today’
You’ve taken on some physical challenges, too…
Yes, and I love them. I did three triathlons in three days for Sport Relief last year.
I actually failed my cycling proficiency, so just getting on a bike and not falling off was quite an achievement! I also had to swim in a big open expanse of water, which was terrifying at the time, but it’s inspired me to take up wild swimming. I still find it scary, but it completely sorts my head out.
What drives you to keep challenging yourself?
I do it because I like adventure and I don’t equate getting older with doing less; I never want to be that person who’s doing less because of their age. I’ve done mud runs, obstacle courses and half-marathons with the kids, too, and I want to do more of that. It’s life-enhancing.
You’re also a keen gardener; would you ever consider a new career in gardening?
Absolutely. But I’d be happy just to be a lackey, following somebody around going, ‘Do you want me to pull up this weed?’ I still have so much to learn. I spent lockdown reorganising all the borders in my garden because I’d ended up with roses on top of lupins on top of chrysanthemums. It was a mess!
You’ve said you like to garden in your underwear…
If the sun’s out, why not? Don’t get me wrong, we’re not overlooked; I’m not giving anybody a thrill! It’s so much nicer to be unfettered by clothes, and I care so much less about things like that now.
Has that come with age?
Yes, I don’t really care what anyone thinks of me any more and it’s liberating. When you’re younger, you’re so eaten up with worrying about what people think of you; it’s agonising. I see it with my own kids now and my message to them is always: it doesn’t matter. People are never judging you, all they’re doing is worrying about themselves.
What else are you enjoying about your 50s?
I’m enjoying having slightly older kids; they’re such good company [Jo has four children: India, 28, Jude, 22, Cassius, 19, and Coco, 12]. Everyone was home for lockdown, and we did our own version of Come Dine With Me. My night was Space Age; we dressed up as science-fiction characters and I made space-themed cakes! It’s been hard as a parent during the pandemic, but we’ve made brilliant memories.
What have you struggled with?
I worry about all sorts of things; not having the rituals they should have when they finish university and what their careers will be like. I feel guilty about the adolescence I had. I’ve always said, ‘You’re going to have a great time as well,’ but now the reality is that it’s really tough for them.
How do you manage those worries?
I don’t think I do. I spiral into constant worry about them! But I’ve been so impressed with the way they’ve dealt with everything. Jude didn’t get to have his graduation, which was hard. I’m a big crier and I’ve cried a lot about things like that, but he just got on with it and now he’s doing a Masters degree. They’ve shown amazing resourcefulness.
You’ve juggled your career with bringing them up; have you ever felt guilty in that respect?
Oh, constantly. It’s something I can’t let myself think about too much – how much time I’ve spent on the train or away from them. I used to get quite jealous of the amount of time Steve had with them when I was away working. And now I’m not there in the evenings to watch telly or put Coco to bed. I just have to remind myself that everything balances itself out.
You’re friends with some famous musicians; does that score you brownie points?
She’s met Ed Sheeran and that was one of the best things I could have ever done in her eyes. But the majority of the time, they don’t want people to know I’m their mum. That’s the truth!
Have they ever been starstruck?
We once did my radio show from my house and it happened to be Jude’s 21st birthday. He asked if I could get Jona Lewie on the show, so I emailed him and he said yes. We ended up having this big party with him, Dodie and Jamie Cullum, and Snow Patrol performed Chasing Cars live in the kitchen!
How will you celebrate your 30th wedding anniversary in July?
Steve and I are terrible at remembering our anniversary; last year, we forgot until the kids gave us a card. But the other day we said, ‘If we ever needed a party, it’s now,’ so hopefully, we’ll be allowed to have one at some point in the summer.
What will the party be like?
One thing the whole family identifies with is fancy dress, so we’ll have a vote on that. Most of all, I can’t wait to squeeze my friends and stay up until dawn. When our friend, Tim, died recently I said, ‘I’m never going to bed early again. I’m staying up and dancing until 4am.’ The kids keep reminding me of that, so from here on in, I’m embracing every moment of party time!
Why does your relationship work?
Because we’re so different; I’m quiet and calm and Steve’s loud and vivacious. I also now appreciate what a good team we are. When we were going through these horrific decisions with Frances, he was there, asking the right questions and helping my parents. I saw a strength in him that I’d never seen before.
What has your relationship taught you?
That I need Steve and that I might have taken him for granted in the past, but I don’t any more. I’ve realised that I want to be with him for the rest of my life and I want to have more fun with him.
What’s next for you?
These past few months have taught me that you have to live for every day you’ve got, to embrace life and seize every moment of happiness. It’s been a wake-up call in many ways. We’re planning a family trip to Scotland and also to Ullswater, so we can go swimming in the Lakes together. I want to do it all.
Jo Whiley hosts her BBC Radio 2 show on Mondays to Thursdays from 7pm