‘Economic abuse can happen to anyone; I’m proof of that’
Rachel***, 40, experienced economic abuse that cost her thousands of pounds during a 10-year relationship.
Tom*** and I met when we were 17 through church and were friends for several years before we became a couple. When we moved in together, he took the initiative when it came to money; he suggested we had a joint account for rent and bills and to split everything 50/50. That seemed reasonable, so I agreed.
I trained as a teacher and within a few years, I was head of department working 50-hour weeks. Tom had a job at a university and he took over managing our finances completely. My work life was so busy I rarely even had a lunch break, so it made sense at the time.
Gradually, his behaviour started to change and he became angry and aggressive. He told me repeatedly how bad I was with money and it knocked my confidence. Although I was earning a lot, I never felt it was mine. Things came to a head when I’d saved up enough to buy a property and he had no interest in buying with me. I tried to end the relationship then, but his sister died very suddenly and he persuaded me to let him stay.
During this time, he convinced me to get out of my five-year fixed rate mortgage, even though my mortgage broker said it wasn’t a good idea. The whole relationship wore me down emotionally and I was too tired to fight. He said we should change the deeds at the same time to include him on them – I didn’t fully understand what I was handing over.
Tom would get very upset if I ever discussed our finances with other people, so I didn’t really speak to anyone about the situation; I just shut down.
When I ended our relationship two months later, he told me I deserved to
Although I was earning a lot, I never felt like it was mine
be punished. We ended up in a legal battle that lasted two-and-a-half years. Because he was on the deeds, he claimed he had an entitlement to my property. I tried to say he was abusive and he’d coerced me into certain things, but in the end I had to pay him £15,000 to remove his name from the deeds. It was only after we split that I realised he’d also been taking money from our joint account and moving it into his own.
Afterwards, I suffered from PTSD and had to leave my job due to the stress. Now, I’m slowly rebuilding my life. I still have the house, I’ve launched my own business and I work for a company that provides professional development for teachers. I’m also passionate about raising awareness about domestic abuse. It can happen to anyone, and I’m proof of that.