‘I love Andy so much, but it hasn’t always been easy’
Britain’s football industry is in the throes of a child sex abuse scandal. Grazia’s Polly Dunbar speaks to the partner of one of the victims, Andy Woodward (above), about the journey they’ve been on – and the rarely discussed impact on a victim’s loved on
WHEN FORMER FOOTBALLER Andy Woodward appeared on the BBC’S Victoria Derbyshire programme last month – to speak about the sexual abuse he was subjected to by a coach as a child – his partner Zelda Worthington (left) was sitting in the studio watching.
Seeing him break down as he described the ‘catastrophic’ impact the ordeal has had on his life reduced her to tears, too. ‘But I knew – I just knew – it was the right thing to do,’ she tells Grazia. ‘I was so proud of him. At that time, Andy was one lone voice, and our fear was that he’d still be one lone voice now. But the fact that so many others had the courage to come forward has made it all worthwhile.’
Since Andy’s remarkable decision to break his silence and reveal publicly the horrors he endured as a player in a youth team, around 350 other alleged victims have reported child sexual abuse within British football clubs around the UK. The scale of the scandal is immense, with 15 police forces, including Greater Manchester and the Metropolitan police, opening investigations. Allegations of cover-ups within individual clubs and the FA are also being examined.
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind for Andy, 43, and the person offering him unfailing support throughout all the interviews, press conferences and harrowing messages from fellow victims, has been Zelda.
Andy acknowledges that it was her love that gave him the strength to go public. ‘Without Zelda, I wouldn’t have had the courage to come forward,’ he says. He also admits he is not the only one to have felt the repercussions of his abuse. ‘She’s suffered, my kids have suffered, but her support has been unbelievable.’
Zelda, 41, a personal trainer, has been in a relationship with Andy for 18 months, but has known him for almost 20 years. The couple live close to Alderley Edge in Cheshire, famed for its footballer residents, but they aren’t used to public attention – until recently, Andy was working as a police officer, his football career having ended at 29 because he suffered panic attacks on the pitch.
We meet in the Manchester hotel where Andy and fellow victims Steve Walters and Chris Unsworth launched The Offside Trust last week, to support those in the sporting world who have
suffered abuse. After a press conference, at which Andy is visibly choked, Zelda and her children surround him in a group hug. As Zelda and I talk in the bar, Andy comes over to tell me how glad he is that Grazia is telling her story. ‘I know it’s been really hard on her,’ he says.
Zelda isn’t seeking the limelight, but she has agreed to talk exclusively to Grazia to highlight the rarely discussed impact abuse has on a victim’s loved ones; in particular, the hidden anguish experienced by partners.
‘I love Andy so much and he has the biggest heart, but being with him hasn’t always been easy,’ she says. ‘Unfortunately, a big part of who he is is because of what happened to him.
‘He suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes, he wakes up in the night having nightmares, and he finds it really difficult to sleep. He has PTSD flashbacks, which can be triggered by anything, like a smell or an old photo of himself around the age the abuse started. Then he can go downhill for several weeks. How I describe it to him is by saying, “It’s like you’re not there. You’re gone.” I can’t reach him.’
He also suffers from low self-esteem, which is common in abuse victims. ‘He thinks he’s not good enough for me,’ says Zelda. ‘He worries about my safety.
‘I’ll say to him, “I’m a bit worried about you,” but he’ll never admit anything’s wrong, because he’s desperately worried that if he says how he’s feeling I’ll leave him, so he tries to cover it up.’
Zelda was born into a footballing family: her father was a player and her uncle, Frank Worthington, an England star. Her ex-husband is a footballer, too, and they became close friends with Andy and his second wife. ‘Andy was open with all of us about what he’d been through,’ she says. ‘Hearing about it was shocking and awful, and I knew how much it affected Andy’s career.’
The pair lost touch for a decade, but reconnected when Andy sent Zelda a Facebook message in 2015. By that time, she was divorced from her husband and a single mother to four children, while he’d been married and divorced three times, and has five sons.
She’s in no doubt that his abuse played a significant part in the breakdown of those previous relationships. ‘Dealing with so many different mental health issues and low self-esteem, it’s very hard to form long-term attachments,’ she says.
Knowing all he’d been through did nothing to put her off, though. ‘We moved in together very quickly. He’s an amazing father figure to my children and, despite his problems, we have a very passionate relationship. I know we’re lucky, because many abuse victims struggle with intimacy.’
Zelda has also suffered depression and anxiety, which made her more empathetic to her partner’s issues. ‘I feel I understand a miniscule amount of what he goes through,’ she says. ‘I studied counselling for a year, too, which has helped.
‘It has been hard at times supporting him, and I’ve had moments where I’ve thought, “Who’s there for me?” It’s hard for my friends and family to understand what it’s been like, trying to help him when he’s going through a bad patch. It’s hard hearing some of the terrible things he went through and knowing that nobody helped him. Andy has seen many therapists over the years, but it wasn’t until this year that he found psychologist Dr Lee Martin, who has helped him make real progress. Gradually, he began to consider telling his story publicly, a decision Zelda encouraged him in.
‘He’s 43 years old and he’s got half his life left. So much of it has been taken away by what happened to him as a child. I thought speaking out would help him find his confidence after suffering in silence for so long.’
Already, she has seen a positive change in Andy, which she attributes to his realisation that he’s not alone. ‘When other players joined him by telling their own stories, I think that’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to Andy in his whole life,’ she says.
‘Watching him the second time he was on Victoria Derbyshire’s show with the others [fellow victims Walters, Unsworth and Jason Dunford] was one of the most powerful moments I’ve witnessed. They’re supporting each other now. They call each other brothers.’
The public praise for Andy’s bravery has also made a difference. ‘It’s changing the way he sees himself,’ she says.
More than anything, Zelda hopes Andy’s courage will help change the culture of football, which revolves around male bravado and encourages victims to remain silent for fear of their teammates’ mockery. She hopes the revelations will inspire progress elsewhere in the sporting world, encouraging greater protection for young girls and boys and helping victims of both sexes. ‘Andy’s heard from cyclists, gymnasts, swimmers,’ she says. ‘This has happened to girls as well as boys. He’s on a mission to help them all, so I’m very proud.’
Zelda has a position on The Offside Trust’s board and hopes to support other partners of victims in particular. ‘We’re hoping to be able to provide whatever families need, whether that’s a psychologist, counsellor or respite. If we can make a difference, it will all be worthwhile.’
n Zelda has not been paid for this interview. Grazia has made a donation to The Offside Trust (theoffsidetrust.com)