‘I’ve listened to my instincts’

If I had to describe 2016 in one word, it would be ‘complicated’. At the start of the year, I was in limbo. I’d been working on a solo album, but the Spice Girls’ 20th anniversary was looming and we’d talked about doing something to celebrate. Choosing between the two was a really hard decision to make. Financially, I’d have done very well out of a reunion, but more importantly, I didn’t want to let the girls or our fanbase down. These days, people who were fans at a very young age approach me all the time and tell me we inspired them in their careers, or gave them the confidence to come out as gay. We were such a big part of so many people’s childhoods, and that’s the thing I’m most proud of.

But at the same time, I had concerns about Victoria not being involved and started having second thoughts. When I’m a solo artist, my life is my own, but when you become part of the group again, it’s much higher profile. You become part of something you can’t control. In the past, I haven’t always enjoyed that level of pressure and exposure.

One day I just woke up and realised I couldn’t do it. First I called Emma, who has always been my closest friend in the band, and then I told the others. Afterwards, I felt a huge relief. It was a life-changing decision to put myself first. In my younger years, I often thought that other people knew better, or wanted to keep the peace. Being a mum to a little girl means I have to set a good example, and I treat myself better than I used to. I want her to be a strong woman, so I can’t allow myself to be walked over. I have to lead by example.

Instead of rejoining the band, I’ve made a solo record that I’m incredibly proud of, and that’s taught me that taking risks can pay off. In 2011, my New Year’s resolution was to say ‘yes’ more, which is how I ended up doing my first triathlon. In 2016, my resolution was to say ‘no’, which is a big part of growing up. Now, after 20 years in the spotlight, I feel like I’ve struck a balance between challenging myself and listening to my instincts. That’s been an important lesson to learn.