BEWARE THE FAUX FEMINIST
Writer Lucy Vine investigates the rising subculture of men pretending theyõre on your team
MY FRIEND SAM* RECENTLY had a date with a guy she met on ‘feminist dating app’ Bumble. Not long into the evening – discussing Bumble’s USP that women have to make the first message-y move – he told her in his big boy voice that he was an ally to Team Feminism and had even been at the Women’s March in January. An hour later he called her a bitch for not wanting to sleep with him.
I was reminded of that last week when Kai Cole’s scathing comment piece for film website The Wrap called out faux feminist men – and one in particular. For 16 long-sounding years, architect Kai was married to Joss Whedon, the screenwriter and director who brought feminist icon Buffy The Vampire Slayer to the world; the man who calls himself a ‘radical feminist’ and gives talks about writing ‘strong female characters’.
In Kai’s article, she alleges that her ex-husband is not the feminist hero he purports to be and is, in fact, a ‘hypocrite’, riding the coat-tails of the popular movement, and ‘preaching feminist ideals’, but all the while having numerous emotional and physical affairs. She claims he blamed the ‘beautiful, needy, aggressive young women’ he was surrounded by, and also used feminism to hide his shady behaviour from his wife. She explains, ‘He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better. He said he admired and respected females, he didn’t lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of Buffy, Joss decided to have his first secret affair.’ And when he eventually confessed to cheating, Kai writes that he even blamed the patriarchy, telling her, ‘We’re taught to be providers and companions and, at the same time, to conquer and acquire, specifically sexually.’
She ends by saying, ‘I believed – everyone believed – that [Joss] was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women’s rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinise his writing as anything other than feminist.’ Joss responded saying his former wife’s account included inaccuracies and misrepresentations that could be harmful to their family but added he did not wish to comment further ‘out of concern for his children and respect for his ex-wife’.
Between my friend Sam’s date, and Joss’s alleged proclivities, it would seem there is a subculture of thirsty men using feminism to their advantage. They’ve caught a whiff of the mood change, as everyone from celebs to marketing brands jump on the feminism bandwagon, and they’re clinging on to the moving vehicle without knowing or caring what it really means. Because claiming to be your ally puts these faux feminists squarely in your safe space; on your side, sympathising with your struggle – and oh look, now you have all that in common, why don’t we all just quickly touch private parts? It would be funny, if it wasn’t so disappointing.
The trouble is, we do need men’s help if we’re going to effectively change society and perceptions of women for the better. And these faux feminists just undermine and deliberately misunderstand its purpose. Calling this behaviour out and speaking up is important – even if we did love Buffyõs strong female characters.