School of thought

that wake me in the night, then I can’t drop off again. My partner is a light sleeper so I don’t want to disturb him either. Help!’

ELEANOR SAYS:

We spend up to a third of our lives asleep, but it’s amazing what can come into our minds when we’re lying awake in the dark.

Your work-related stress deserves your and your boss’s attention if you are really struggling. I imagine your anxiety levels are high in general, though. That you struggle to ‘switch off ’. When we’re anxious, adrenaline levels are higher than normal because our brain is in fight-or-flight mode, interpreting ‘danger’ where there isn’t any at the level it perceives.

I’ve found myself awake at 3am, panicking about remembering the periodic table, my long-divorced parents getting back together and an incredibly minor stutter that happened in a newsagents years ago. In those sleepless moments, I can work myself up over having to make a straightforward phone call the next day. At that time of night, rationality is a distant concept. Everything is heightened because we start obsessing about needing to sleep.

We do need it, of course. Why? The question has baffled scientists for centuries. No one is completely sure. It’s thought that sleep maintains our cognitive functions like speech, memory and complex thinking. If you’ve ever pulled an allnighter, you’ll be familiar with the groggy, grumpy, forgetful haze that follows. Concentrating is much harder. Our attention spans shorten massively. Persistent sleep deprivation also has an effect on our emotional health.

Respect your sleep as much as you do your partner’s! Try not to eat too close to bed time, limit screen time, have a skinpinkening hot bath an hour before bed ( it makes us sleepy when our body temperature drops again afterwards) and try a gentle meditation app to quiet your thoughts.

Remember: whatever time of night, thoughts are just thoughts. See if you can ‘catch’ them (I sometimes imagine a child’s fishing net) before you start to spiral. Be committed to addressing your general stress levels, too. Regular exercise, cutting down on caffeine, not getting too hungry (the hormones involved in hunger can leave us wide open to anxiety), getting outside regularly and taking proper screen breaks (computer and phone) are proven steps for mild-to-moderate anxiety. If things start to feel unmanageable, your GP will have options – medical or otherwise.

ANJULA SAYS:

I’m not surprised you are struggling to rest. Stress is your body’s response to mental or emotional pressure and, when you’re stressed, your body believes it’s under attack and goes into flight-or-fight mode. Ongoing stress can leave you feeling anxious and sleepless, which affects concentration, mood and your relationships. Share how you’re feeling with your boyfriend; getting it off your chest will help you feel calmer. At work, when you feel stress is building, take a walk outside the office. Tackle that ‘overwhelmed’ feeling by handling high priority jobs first, break big projects into manageable bits and don’t over-commit yourself. Support from colleagues also helps buffer workplace stress. At home, establish good sleep routines. Avoid alcohol or caffeinated drinks before bedtime. Take a bath, read a book, hang blackout curtains, switch off laptops and phones. It may not be possible to control stressful situations, but you can control how you respond to them.