School of thought

The cyclical disappointment of not conceiving for a long time and the distressing thought patterns that manifest can become all-consuming. Then, you went through IVF. I know from experience how brutal it can be: the nauseating, painful bloating and swollen boobs from the hormones we have to inject, coupled with the mysterious dance they do with our brains, leaving us sad, teary and agitated. The egg ‘harvesting’ is no walk in the park, either. Your body and psyche have been through an awful lot.

Now you’re in the limbo between positive test and, I imagine, the 12-week scan. This period is nerve-wracking for anyone but it makes sense, given your history, that you must be digging your nails into your palms to get through these early days.

Imagining worst-case scenarios is your nervous brain’s way of trying to keep you prepared. Only, you can’t prepare for what you don’t know, so a certain amount of surrender and acceptance is required. Voicing your concerns wherever you can, no matter how trivial you think they are – to your partner, friends, GP, midwife, etc – will give them less power, and you some breathing space, even if that person can’t accurately predict what’s to come.

It’s easy to slip into ‘magical thinking’ – believing that one event happens as the result of another without plausible reason, ie ‘If I talk about this pregnancy I will jinx it’ – and, although this is another kind of protective mechanism, try not to let it stop you being open about how you feel.

Try to remember what’s going on outside your body as well as inside. Breathe as much fresh air as you can. See friends and ask about their lives. Keep a sense of normality going where possible. Try practising meditation a few times a week, too. Body-scan exercises (there’s several examples on Youtube) can help us learn to re-focus our attention when, in periods of anxiety, we’re constantly monitoring our physical selves for signs of trouble, so might be helpful for you.

I sincerely hope that, in the near future, the staggering intelligence of your body starts to reveal itself and you can begin to trust it.

eleanor morgan

is author of Anxiety For Beginners: A Personal Investigation and is training to be a psychologist

anjula mutanda

is a psychologist and author of How To Do Relationships