PROOF IT’S PARENTS WHO NEED A DIGITAL DETOX

‘ Technoference’ is the latest thing to fear when it comes to parenting, but how do we stop it, asks Fiona Cowood

‘WHO’S THAT? Can we see, Mummy! Who’s in the bath?’ A splash of water lands on my phone and I glance up. My daughters, aged three and five, are standing up in the bath, desperately trying to swipe the phone from my hands to see what I’m looking at. Reader: I was watching an Instagram story of somebody else’s kids playing in the bath.

There, in one snapshot, is what parenting in 2018 can sometimes be. If you’ve ever lingered in the toilet to catch up on Twitter, or surreptitiously Whatsapped down the side of the sofa when you’re meant to be playing shops, you’ll know what I’m saying.

Last week, new research linked parents’ excessive use of their phones to kids’ poor behaviour, suggesting that instead of griping about kids’ screentime, we should turn the spotlight on our own habits. In the research, 40% of mothers and 32% of fathers admitted some form of phone addiction, resulting in what the researchers have dubbed ‘technoference’ – where everyday life is interrupted by devices. The results? Whining, hurt feelings, tantrums and frustration – and that’s just the adults.

Much-loved children’s author Judith Kerr ( Mog, The Tiger Who Came To Tea) has a new book out in September called

Mummy Time. The cover shows a mum giving her little boy a hug, while clutching her phone in her hand. At 95, the author has picked up on the ubiquitous symbol of modern parenthood and used it to tell a story about the adventures a child can have while his mum is distracted. ‘ Where I live there’s a duck pond and a green and a lot of children, but the mums are mostly on their phones,’ Judith tells me. ‘I think it’s quite funny. I looked after my children full-time – sometimes it’s incredibly interesting and an awful lot of the time it’s incredibly boring… I wasn’t trying to preach to anyone.’

Experts take a bleaker view. Clinical psychologist Dr Elizabeth Kilbey says kids act up as their parents’ engagement drops off because they’re simply trying to regain some level of interaction: ‘ We always have to juggle. But there is a big difference between having boundaries – “I need to check my emails for five minutes” – and having this pernicious, ever-present glow in your hand that’s occupying half your mind. A child’s experience is that the phone comes before them because it is, literally, in between them. Technology urgently needs managing back into its place.’ Which means, quite simply, putting down the phone, silencing the thousands who live noisily in your pocket. I’m starting tonight. With bathtime.