Show + tell: Paul Flynn’s top telly
Puffed-up egos, bad suits and poor maths are all in Lord Sugar’s firing line
HARD CAPITALISM’S favourite pantomime The Apprentice returns to a strange world, partly of the programme’s own doing. Its first US host, Donald Trump, is President. Its loudest celebrity mouth, Piers Morgan, briefly stropped off social media. Its most disagreeable UK dame, Katie Hopkins, is in liquidation. One of Lord Sugar’s old righthand men has turned the benign words-based quiz Countdown from affable cosiness into a tense, taciturn place. Happy earning, folks!
Lord Sugar cuts boldly to his chase. ‘Make me money,’ he says, in his reverse Chris Tarrant’s chair, ‘or piss off.’ It’s chilling to the bone. Sixteen contestants nod, as if listening to the wisdom of gods. One of them calls herself ‘ The Beyoncé of Business’, which sounds fun until it quickly transpires she’s industry’s own Michelle Williams, not even its Kelly Rowland. A new piercing (eyebrow) is introduced to the skill sets and CVS on display. A woman stands out from the amorphous crowd by virtue of wearing a bad old Roland Mouret copy in the colourway of the day, ‘Amal Clooney yellow’ (Farrow & Ball: take it).
The luckless participants, who surely must arrive aware of the mental challenges ahead in the search to become the new Katie Hopkins, are dispatched to Malta. Which, I suppose is the concession to The Apprentice becoming, in 2018, a little bit Love Island. Everyone’s business practice feels as if it’s been learned at a suburban cocaine dealership. The men wear too tight acrylic suit trousers and hold smartphones at right angles. Perhaps with this cokey vibe in mind, part of the first task is to buy 40kg of pure Maltese salt.
Unlike the last three seasons, there is no naked male torso on display, oven-ready for the cover of a forthcoming naked issue of one of the UK’S leading gay titles. Which kind of defies the whole point of Malta. A vaguely buff team leader is seen in vest and pants in the pared-down townhouse of this year’s buffoons’ HQ. Genuinely fractious class war erupts in the boardroom.
In 12 weeks’ time, given the current reality TV climate at Westminster, one can fully expect Alan Sugar to be running for Conservative leadership against Jacob Rees-mogg and Rylan. I guess I’ll still be watching. Because within all the mean-spirited, greed-is-good, Thatcherite toxicity of The Apprentice’s instruction, there’s still something certifiably wonderful about watching horrible people fail.
Thank you for featuring models with a physical disability in your Big Fashion Issue (24 Sept). I’m 44 and have been an avid reader of women’s magazines since I was 16, but I’ve never seen anyone like me in their pages. I was thrilled to see Monique Jarrett, a model with osteogenesis imperfecta (brittle bones), looking gorgeous along with four other disabled models. As a teenager, I felt worlds apart from the fashion industry and its ideals of bodily perfection. It means so much to me to see a woman with my condition in a mainstream magazine feature that’s not a charity appeal. Monique, you rock and I have serious frock envy! Thanks Grazia. I hope that you’ll continue to use models who represent the glorious diversity of your readership. Penny
I have bought Grazia for the first time because of the fabulous Big Fashion issue. Such beautiful and empowering images and fantastic models. This is beauty in real life. Judith
LET’S SAY IT LIKE IT IS
Loved @Gizzierskine’s piece in @Graziauk (‘ It’s OK not to feel body positive all the time’, 24 Sept). I’ve gone up several sizes too and feel shit. But, like Gizzi, I’m tall so it doesn’t show so much. But sure does feel like much! Inspired to start working out and feeling better. Thanks for being so honest. @Nishitata
A DATE WITH DESTINY?
A lot of The reality of dating after you’ve been widowed (24 Sept) really resonated with me. Dating again after 14 years scared the hell out of me! And widows have their own set of sexist challenges to deal with, especially as a single parent. Another well-articulated piece from Poorna Bell.
PROJECT FEAR
I was moved by ‘Childbirth oversharing has put me off having kids’ (1 Oct). Like Ethanie, I was also made very frightened of childbirth by other women’s horror stories. I was terrified of the pain and loss of control. I now have a son and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have him in my life. Birth was completely different to what I’d expected and, with the support of my partner and midwives, I was much stronger and more able to cope than I’d thought. Insist on help. Frankly, I think that women planning to give birth without pain relief is ridiculous. It’s not a competition and you shouldn’t get kudos for putting yourself through a painful and unfamiliar event without help. You wouldn’t break your leg and try to cope without painkillers, so why are women encouraged to do it with birth?
IS THERE A couple more suited? After Shia Labeouf ’s split from long-term girlfriend Mia Goth, the American actor is now dating singer and artist Tahliah Barnett – aka FKA twigs. Sources say that the arty duo are ‘very happy’ after meeting on the set of Shia’s new film, Honey Boy.