REBECCA HUMPHRIES: WHAT WA S REALLY BEHIND MY OPEN LETTER
When Seann Walsh was pictured kissing his Strictly Come Dancing partner Katya Jones on the front page of a Sunday newspaper, it seemed like the show’s infamous curse had struck once again. But the story moved from tabloid gossip to a major national talking point when his (now ex-) girlfriend, actress Rebecca Humphries, published a powerful open letter declaring she would not be a victim.
She wrote that she had previously raised concerns with Seann about his behaviour with Katya, but he’d responded by calling her ‘a psycho/nuts/mental. As he had done countless times throughout our relationship when I’ve questioned his inappropriate, hurtful behaviour’.
The letter went viral and sparked a nationwide debate about gaslighting, with charity Women’s Aid saying the comedian’s comments ‘can be a pattern of psychological abuse’ – and commentators warning that his continued presence on Strictly set a ‘dangerous precedent’. Then, Rebecca went to ground. Here, she breaks her silence to exclusively tell Grazia what happened – and why she was so surprised by the reaction…
strictly come dancing was my favourite TV show. Until, that is, I was backstage one Saturday in October and found out that my boyfriend, Seann Walsh, had been seen kissing his dance partner, Katya Jones, earlier in the week.
I went straight back to the flat we shared, packed a suitcase and our cat, and ordered a taxi to take me to my friend’s house. I never went back: it was immediately clear that the life I thought we’d had together had been false.
The next morning, pictures of them were splashed across the front pages. My phone didn’t stop ringing, with family – and even friends I hadn’t spoken to in years – calling me. They all told me what had happened was unacceptable – which helped because, without them, I might never have understood that.
That weekend, it felt as though there were a lot of opportunities for me to be shown respect, but Seann hadn’t apologised, and I realised I had to claim that respect for myself. So I sat with two friends and a bottle of wine, drafting and redrafting the open letter that I eventually posted. I wanted to take control of my own narrative and present a clear version of myself, instead of being labelled as something I wasn’t. I am smart, I have a sense of humour and I am down to earth.
Even as we sat there with that bottle of wine, we told each other that probably only 50 people would retweet it. But I knew I’d done the right thing as soon as the responses starting coming in. People really wanted to share similar situations to mine. Someone told me that she had left her boyfriend as a result of what I had written. Others said it made them realise that their relationship wasn’t good enough. I made a point of replying to every single person.
All I wanted to show was that someone questioning your mental state to defend their wrong choices is not acceptable. I had told Seann I was worried about what was going on, but I believed him when he said that nothing was happening. I believed him that I was mental, and if the whole thing hadn’t happened, I would have gone on thinking that I was just a jealous, insecure person.
If you told me a year ago that this would happen to me, I’d have said it would destroy me. That I wouldn’t have been able to cope with the abandonment from someone who was really important to me. But I have never once felt humiliated from it.
There were people who told me, as a young actress, not to say what I did. And others who have said of Seann’s actions, ‘Haven’t you ever been drunk and made a mistake?’ This was never about destroying anyone. But society is evolving, and there are questions about the parameters of relationships that I’m glad have been raised.
Seann and I haven’t stayed in touch – and we won’t ever be in contact again. The way our relationship ended was such that I’ll never be able to Whatsapp him. There’s a wall between us, and that’s been really important. I am getting on with things but I do know that, when it comes to dating, it will be tricky at best to trust anyone again. Still, if it takes seeing a therapist to help me learn how to, I’ll do it; I’d rather find a way through this and be able to live my life again. I haven’t forgiven Seann yet, but I hope that, one day, I’ll get to a place where I can.
I loved Strictly, but I can’t watch it now. Mind you, I’ve still got Rupaul’s Drag Race. At least Seann can never go on that…
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