‘this parent-shaming has to stop’
In an Instagram post last week, TV presenter Vogue Williams revealed that she intends to stop breastfeeding her son when he is six months old, and was candid about how ‘embarrassed’ she felt when she did it in public for the first time. She never imagined it would go viral – or that it would provoke a debate about when new mums should stop breastfeeding. (Currently, only 1% of babies in the UK are exclusively breastfed at six months old.) Here, Vogue, who is married to Spencer Matthews, reveals what it’s like to parent in the public eye.
Two weeks after I gave birth to my son Theodore last September, I attended a work event one evening. I was only there for 45 minutes and went straight back home to him. But the next day there was uproar online. People were judging me for going back to work so quickly.
Last week, I was parent-shamed again, after I posted a picture of the first time I ever breastfed in public. I described how embarrassed I’d felt (I can do it anywhere now, once in the queue for customs at the airport). I also said I wanted to stop breastfeeding next month, when Theodore is six months old, and asked for advice on formula milk. Then it exploded.
People were arguing about whether ‘ breast was best’ and if I should be breastfeeding for longer. In the end, I had to turn off the comments. I was lucky to be able to feed – Theodore took to it quite easily. But some mothers’ milk never comes in, some babies are tongue-tied and some mums just don’t want to. Good on every mother, whether they breastfeed or not, because this is not an easy job and as long as you and your baby are healthy and happy, that’s all that counts.
As a mum, the last thing you need is to be parent-shamed. Negative comments do affect you, and it made me question whether I was selfish. In a way, I am doing it for selfish reasons: I’m going back to work full-time this month, and Spencer and I want to try for another baby at the end of this year. After nine months of pregnancy and six months of breastfeeding, I want to feel like myself for a while before I get pregnant again.
In any case, getting to six months feels like a massive achievement that I’m really proud of. I don’t need to have women putting me down, or saying they’re a better mother than me. I won’t be made to feel guilty about being a working mum; it’s my choice, and I know I’m doing a good job.
The first time I got parent-shamed, I cried. But Spencer has taught me not to care what people say. Otherwise you can get sucked in and start thinking, ‘Am I really like that? Is that what my body really looks like?’
This won’t stop me from sharing pictures, but I’m careful about what I post about Theodore. I do think social media can be positive – there are so many parents online sharing their experiences. I talk to other parents and I’ve made some brilliant friends. But it can also be nasty. As women, we have to be supportive of each other. What you choose to do with your baby is up to you.