Six secrets to being amicable with your ex

Hattie Crisell, 35, is on terms ranging from ‘polite grownups’ to ‘proper mates’ with several previous boyfriends, and says that staying friends with an ex can be genuinely worthwhile. Here’s how it works:

1. Give it time. You need to get to a more nonchalant place, in which her making a joke about your tardiness/ you making a casual reference to your new boyfriend/him deciding to grow the beard you always suggested won’t cause either of you to run sobbing from the room.

2. Be ready to let a lot of stuff go. Yes, it’s still annoying that your ex arrives late, shows off when they’re feeling insecure and never asks anything about your job. Thankfully, these problems are not yours any more. Concentrate on enjoying their better qualities instead.

3. Don’t kid yourself. If you and your ex can’t meet each other’s current partners without severe anguish, you’re not proper friends yet. You’re in a transition zone – and that’s OK.

4. When you are ready to meet the new partner, kill them with kindness. It’s better for everyone if you can form a good relationship – it makes all parties more comfortable and paves the way for a healthier friendship for you and your ex. (Note: if you broke up because they cheated, maybe skip this step. In fact, consider skipping all the steps.)

5. A friendship with an ex can be rewarding and precious – after all, this is someone you loved and admired once, and who knew you well and felt the same way. Once you cut out the romantic mismatch, you could have a solid-gold pal.

6. That said, if they treated you with disrespect and haven’t made amends, or if they’re still causing you as much distress in ‘friendship’ as they did as a partner, cut your losses – and cut them out.