The last time I had sex…
works for an airline Zoe, 40, from Leeds,
with breast cancer
I was first diagnosed been married for five when I was 35. I had children. The years and had three young amount of strain on treatment put a huge friends, family and my relationships – with
Day-to-day existence particularly my husband. stressful and painful with cancer is incredibly by it. I forgot who I was; and I was subsumed job. cancer became my full-time a little crazy. I was In the process, I went face – and that can looking death in the different ways: you can impact people in two to be a very good cancer decide that you want everything in their life, patient who cherishes did, which is become or you can do what I I didn’t care any more. very self-destructive. what, if I’m going to I thought, ‘You know all the things that I die soon, I want to do what’s the worst want to do because really in that place when that can happen?’ I was younger guy, randomly I met someone else, a at a party. seeing him off and on Since then, I’ve been my We never talk about for a couple of years. him, I’m able to forget illness. When I’m with in me. It feels like being what’s going on with feels like I can have fun. my twenties again. It to my bones and my My cancer has now spread Christmas, I’ll be lucky. liver – if I make it to sad. My children and I’m very angry and very to cope. husband are struggling an affair is that it’s a The reason I’m having my everyday life. With complete break from about my body and him, I feel able to forget
He never asks me the medical treatments. makes comments about my body, he never never made me feel about my body. He’s attractive. That’s anything except extremely the affair won’t a gift to me. I know that I know that become a proper relationship; not what this is. would be a disaster, that’s know and he doesn’t My husband doesn’t him because that would suspect. I’ll never tell me, and that would make change how he views are both aware that I’m it too difficult, as we end. The affair doesn’t coming towards the more our relationship; it’s have any bearing on me. like a release valve for me and wants to My husband still adores time I had sex was be with me, and the last once a fortnight at with him. We have sex proud that we manage the moment – I’m quite that is on our plate. that with everything since I saw the man I’m It’s been quite a while
– I’m worried that the having an affair with be the last time. next time I see him will That’s a weird feeling. people would judge I’m worried, too, that
– but what I’ve learned me for what I’m doing illness is that you have from having a terminal time, so I have to to be selfish. I don’t have I want out of life – go out and get what bit. That’s led me to do even in this last little lots of people will think something that I know think I’ve hurt anyone. is wrong. But I don’t your last time – be it If you’d like to tell us about or mundane – contact funny, uplifting, surprising thelasttime@graziamagazine.co.uk us at