Chart of lust

Who we're loving and living for this week...

His portrayal of the Joker broke hearts and set Venice a-chatter. We’ve only seen a trailer of it, but we’re mesmerised by that alone.

6. New in DILYN THE JACK RUSSELLCROSS PUP

A flagrantly cynical attempt by Number 10 to distract us from the sh*tshow it’s unleashing – and it is working. Look at his cute nose!

7. Up JOAN COLLINS

The new face of Charlotte Tilbury make-up, who would definitely inspire us to start using the brand if we weren’t already hooked.

2. New in COCO GRAUFF

Knocked out of the US Open last week, which is a shame because she was delivering some fine, fine looks along with her serve.

8. Up BILLIE PIPER IN VENICE

A damn finelooking woman and a damn fine actor, whose wardrobe has taken a turn for the magnificent just lately.

3. Up INDIRA VARMA

Herewith honoured variously for: her former work in Game Of Thrones, her current work in both Carnival Row (Amazon) and This Way Up (Channel 4), her cheekbones and her living near us.

4. Non-mover DAVE CHAPPELLE

Whose new Netflix special is causing consternation and pearl-clutching on the internet. We adored it, and fancy him like we can’t remember fancying anyone else.

9. Up BEN MILES

Brit actor starring in new BBC drama The Capture. Meeting our silver fox with dark eyes and eyebrows requirements very nicely.

5. Non-mover LIZZO

In double denim and fishnets at last week’s Made In America festival. If not her, then who? If not now, then when?

10. Up BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

Please tell us it isn’t just us who envisages his face every time we hear Dominic Cummings’ name?