Things you only know if… you’ve asked your husband to sign a post-nup

Post-nups are on the rise – and not just among A-listers. Here, one woman reveals why she asked her husband to sign on the dotted line…

after your wedding comes the ‘honeymoon period’ – and not just because of the holiday. You’re in a bubble of excited happiness, basking in the joy of your big day and anticipation of your future together.

I was no exception. My wedding day last year was incredible, and Tom* and I were happier than we’d ever been. It was only later that the less romantic elements of tying myself legally to another person even occurred to me. Tom and I had never had a joint bank account, so our finances were separate. This was partly because Tom had a bad credit rating caused by some credit card debt, which he was paying off, and I didn’t want that to affect my credit score. But it was also because neither of us could see the point. It wasn’t as if one of us was earning loads more, so combining our earnings just because we were married seemed archaic.

Since getting together in 2013 I’d wanted to maintain my financial independence – I own my own two-bedroom home in East London and had been paying the mortgage solo for almost a decade. After Tom moved in, in 2014, he paid me a set monthly amount towards the bills. We saw no reason to change our set-up just because we’d married.

It was only when my dad gently suggested a post-nup that I gave any thought to the legal implications of being married. A post-nup is a written agreement to settle a couple’s assets in the event of divorce, but unlike a pre-nup it’s agreed and signed after the big day. In 2016, Beyoncé and Jay Z reportedly drafted one (in addition to their pre-nup) in an attempt to get their marriage back on track after his alleged infidelities, with Radar Online reporting that it included a ‘cheating clause’ that would ensure a huge payout (though the couple never confirmed this).

Dad reminded me that, no matter how I felt about Tom now, you never knew what was going to happen or how nasty things might get if we did split up; that protecting our shared investment (my parents had given me the deposit) was the sensible thing to do. After all, according to UK law, your marital partner can, in some cases, get as much as half in the event of you divorcing.

The last thing you want to think about when you’ve just got married is splitting up. However, I knew it made sense. I had been paying off a mortgage since 2006 and had spent almost £15,000 on renovations. I knew my parents adored Tom and would be devastated if we ever separated. But I had seen first-hand how messy things could get.

A close friend, Jemma*, recently split from her husband. Jemma’s parents had given them a deposit for their house and paid towards renovations, which had increased its value. None of this had been put in writing, however, and as part of their divorce settlement her husband was able to secure a huge pay-off – which Jemma had to sell the house to finance.

While a pre-nup felt like something only the rich and famous might need, a post-nup didn’t seem quite so intimidating, and my solicitor said they are increasingly common. As more of us marry later (the average age for brides is 35½, up from under 28 two decades ago), we’re likely to bring more significant assets to a marriage, so people are increasingly looking to protect what they have built up individually.

Kate Clark, legal director in the family department at Mishcon de Reya LLP, confirms that post-nuptial agreements have been on the rise – and have many benefits. ‘With a post-nup there is no threat that the wedding will be cancelled unless an agreement is signed,’ she says. ‘The parties may also have a clearer picture of the financial reality of their lives and how any children are being provided for. A post-nup can be used to reflect financial changes that often come later in life, eg, if one spouse has inherited money from a parent during the marriage, they may wish to protect that from any claims the other might bring.’

Kate adds, ‘Although it won’t bind a court when considering the couple’s financial position, a properly reached agreement will be highly influential when the judge makes their decision.’

Post-nups may also be used after a crisis within a marriage, as is thought to be the case with Beyoncé and Jay Z. This can be the case among regular couples, too, says Kate. ‘If one spouse has had an affair, the financially weaker party may want some financial reassurance to stay in the marriage.’

In our case, cheating clauses were not an issue – our post-nup was simply a way to ringfence an asset that I didn’t believe should be halved equally if we were to split. I told Tom what my dad and I had discussed straight away, because I didn’t want to do anything that made him feel uncomfortable. But he said he understood – in fact, he said it made him feel more secure, because now he felt like he had some rights as well. Our agreement dictates that Tom will get half of any increase in value on the house from the day we married, something we both see as fair and, according to my solicitor, the most common way of dealing with our situation.

Crucially, we were both confident that this was all hypothetical – Tom would never try to take my home from me, and we weren’t intending to divorce – but at the same time we understood that protecting each of our interests made good sense. Still, it isn’t something I’ve told friends about, partly because there is a taboo about even thinking that things could ever go wrong. For us, though, the post-nup is a mature reflection of our love and the fact that we are totally prepared to settle things fairly if the worst happened. After signing the post-nup, we’re happier than ever.

I haven’t told friends about our post-nup – it’s taboo to even think things could go wrong