Chart of lust

1. Non- mover J-LO

The leopard. The crop. The hoops. Her workout style principles do not vary, and yet, somehow, manage to get better.

2. New in THE FACE OF FUDGE

Ref last week’s Love Island, when new girl Rebecca arrived as the finale to the lapdance challenge. Aka: ‘Siri, show us the dictionary definition of instant sexuallymotivated jealousy.’

3. New in KAI

South Korean actor/singer/ model, yadda yadda, also: pure fashion plate. Evidence? See how he worked florals with checks with pinstripes at Gucci last week! Just see!

4. Up SAMUEL L JACKSON

In his blazer of many colours (it’s a Joseph reference: how can you not know that?) on the promotional trail of film The Last Full Measure.

5. Non- mover RETRO REID

Susanna, longserving goddess of breakfast TV, long-suffering foil to our mucker Piers Morgan, posted a vintage pic of herself last week – and the crowd went wild.

6. Up WENDY WILLIAMS

Farted audibly while live on The Wendy Williams Show, which more people should consider doing, though not so much that it doesn’t remain incredibly funny.

7. Non- mover WINNIE HARLOW

There are very few people capable of making ‘faint suspicion of your own gusset’ look chic – but she did, at Paris Couture.

8. New in TOBY SEBASTIAN

Actor, recently revealed to be the brother of Florence Pugh (full name: Sebastian Toby M Pugh), likely repeat-frequenter of this locale, we predict.

9. Up BRIAN BLESSED

Said the word ‘arse’ three times, live on air, on GMB. Piers Morgan apologised for it; we, on the other hand, celebrate him for it.

10. New in CAPRICE V HAMISH GA MAN

The two had been partnered on Dancing On Ice, but went their separate ways following a total inability to endure each other. You know how we love a feud!