Chart of lust

Who we're loving and living for this week...

1. Up MARGOT ROBBIE

Extraordinarily rewarding to look at; good at acting as a bonus extra. Commended this week for her Harley Quinn turn, which also incorporates top-notch clothing choices.

2. Non-mover LIL NAS X

Just when we thought we might be teetering on the brink of tiring of leopard, we realised we were not. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

3. Up SIOBHAN FINNERAN

Currently of The Stranger (Netflix). A fine actor who it is nonetheless hard to watch without shouting, ‘Jesus, Bob, it looks like a frozen sausage’ at the screen (google for details).

4. Non-mover KEANU REEVES

Hooded mac over a towelling robe on the set of the new instalment of The Matrix? Gosh! Don’t mind if we do.

5. New in CHRISJEN

Of The Expanse (Amazon Prime). Sweary, forceful, generally aweinspiring minx with a wardrobe we regularly try to emulate.

6. New in DODGE

From Locke & Key (Netflix). Demonically evil but also incredibly hot and, hey! If you’re gonna be demonically evil… Right?

7. New in JORDAN FISHER

Former child actor, now starring in Neflix’s To All The Boys: PS I Still Love You. This man is a mood, no?

8. Non-mover JACK WHITEHALL

He’s apparently on Raya – Tinder for famouses – which is wildly exciting to us, despite the fact we’re not single and probably wouldn’t qualify for Raya even if we were.

9. Up ROSS

His alter ego David Schwimmer guest-starred on Cbeebies’

Bedtime Stories last week. He read

The Smeds And The Smoos by Julia Donaldson, since you ask.

10. New in BARRY ATSMA

Dutch actor, currently struggling with the vagaries of his illicit affair with Nicola Walker in The Split (BBC One). No offence to Stephen Mangan, but we know which way we’d go.