Polly Vernon has her say
HAVE YOU EVER
kissed a Tory? What was it like? Do you feel just terrible about it, now? Bet you do!
Are you a Tory, who’s kissed someone who wasn’t one; if so, did you conceal your true political identity until afterwards – you know, just in case? Does concealing Tory leanings from a potential kissee count as some sort of #Metoo-ish violation, a kiss under false political pretences?
I ask, because Carrie Symonds is getting it in the neck for being pregnant by her partner, the Tory-est of Tories – the arch Tory? The high-tory? – Boris Johnson, which suggests she’s done rather more than kiss that particular Tory, so people are furious, because: how dare she bestow favours on a man with whom they do not agree, politically? How could she bear to?
Two years after a Corbynite initiative first launched the ‘I’ve never kissed a Tory’ slogan as a badge of honour/hashtag/t-shirt/ tattoo (for the particularly devout), we are witnessing an updating of that… can we call it a ‘movement’? Do we call it a ‘meme’?
Whatever, the ‘Carrie, how could you?’ sentiment currently trending on a social media platform near you is, by my estimation, two spiteful internet cycles away from becoming a range of baseball caps, stickers and phone case covers that read ‘I’ve never fucked a Tory’, perhaps even: ‘I’ve never been inseminated by a Tory’.
And yeah, you’re right: dismissing a woman’s pregnancy on those terms is kinda gross, when you put it like that. But, hey. You’ve met the internet.
Back to my original question, which I will now pose to myself, an historical leftie who has little time for the Labour Party in its current condition, what with its lack of direction, infighting, capacity to tie itself into knots over literally anything. Would
I kiss a Tory? My political alienation notwithstanding, I wouldn’t vote for one – but would I slip one the tongue?
Depends. How fit is he, and will my boyfriend find out?
The idea that one could be so politically pure as to be actively turned off by another’s voting patterns is daft. Sure, extreme views – from either end of the political spectrum – tend to consume a person to the point of defining them, thus making them a particular type of romantic proposition, certainly not everyone’s cup of tea. But if you’re gonna write off everyone else on a principle and a hashtag, in the name of wearing a T-shirt and having your mates off the internet think you’re risqué-hilarious, even though what you’re actually doing is isolating yourself sexually and socially from anyone who might challenge your rapidly narrowing world view… There is absolutely no pride in that. If you’ve never kissed a Tory, if you congratulate yourself for it, and if you reserve revulsion for those who have: grow up.