‘Moving back in with my parents has changed our relationship’

Rhiannon Evans on the unexpected joy of ‘going multi-gen’ during lockdown

It was a bizarre experience packing up the London flat we’ve lived, married and had our son in to head to my parents’ house, 200 miles away, just before the country entered lockdown. I’ve since sat through 26°C heat in jeans (we brought just five outfits each to make space for toys). It never occurred to me I’d still be here at a time that required suntan lotion.

Anecdotally, I know I’m not alone in the decision we made to ‘go multi-gen’ for lockdown. For us, two full-time jobs, a flat with no outdoor space and an energetic child with a softplay addiction and sittingstill-aversion led us North, where a garden and childcare awaited. The decision weighed heavy. Had I brought the virus into their home? What did it say about me that I wanted support while others seemed (or had) to cope? Would we co-exist happily?

Kelly Davies, 35, co-founder at The Goodwash Company, moved from Cardiff to North Wales where her parents live – and brought operations into their front room. ‘There’s a rota for the shower, Dad puts up the lunch, Mum does the dinner and I get the M&S treats in. Sleeping under my Michael Owen duvet and watching telly on my phone has made me feel 14 again, but I’ve enjoyed getting my washing done.’

Meanwhile, Jacynth Bassett’s fashion brand, The Bias Cut, is all about antiageism – and she found those principles tested when she moved in with her boyfriend’s mother and stepfather. ‘Usually, the only time our age gap is evident is through playing different music in the kitchen,’ she says. ‘It’s been a fruitful experience and one we’ve all grown from. It can be so enriching mixing and living with different generations.’

My own experience has been wonderful, and I’ve listened guiltily as friends have missed their parents desperately. We enjoy each other’s company – pre-pandemic, my parents were thinking of moving to be closer to us – and we’ve managed just one screaming row (so far). It can feel tough, parenting and being married – with all the usual fallings-out – in front of your mum and dad, but when my son was stung in the face by a bee, I was happy to have Mum there debating Piriton doses with me.

Pre-lockdown, only 7% of households contained two or more adult generations. Dr Gemma Burgess, acting director of the Cambridge Centre for Housing and Planning Research, says we will probably now see those figures rise – through circumstance as well as through choice. ‘All of the things that are happening now around the job market and unemployment and the housing market getting stuck – it might be temporary, but adult children may return to live with parents,’ she says. ‘But I do think some people will choose to do this because of the experience we’ve had of being separated from our families. It will make many people rethink – do we want to live 200 miles away from an elderly parent?’

For us, multi-generational living isn’t sustainable in the long term. Still, I’m dreading the day when we eventually move back out. It will be like leaving for university all over again (many, many tears), tempered only with the knowledge that my parents are going to continue their attempts to move closer to us.