I FEARED I’D DIE DURING LOCKDOWN

LEAH *, 32 i was in an abusive relationship for 11 years before the pandemic; I had tried to run away a few times but I hadn’t been able to. He was violent in the past a lot – but by 2020, the violence had abated, or that’s how I saw it. He still restrained me, pushed and pulled me, slapped me, put his hands around my throat. He was in control of my money and my phone and laptop.

When the first lockdown happened, it meant that not only was I locked in the house, but he was locked in there with me. He was obsessed with everything to do with Covid: the death toll, cleaning all of our shopping and groceries. He began to focus on me obsessively, too. It was a pressure cooker; everything intensified. I was already isolated but now I felt like a prisoner. He couldn’t see other people, his usual audience was gone – I was the only person left to give him what he needed, and I wasn’t giving it to him. He got angrier and angrier. He stopped me from eating and showering and, one weekend, he became very violent again. I realised then that I might die: I wasn’t scared or sad about that. It was just a fact. It became really clear: I need to leave now.

I only came to that realisation because of how extreme the situation was. With the help of my boss, I escaped. She gave me a letter that explained to the authorities why I needed to break the lockdown – but he couldn’t follow me because of lockdown. So, suddenly, I had this gap that I had never had before. I got away and I feel very lucky.

If you are experiencing domestic violence or abuse and need information or support, visit womensaid.org.uk