Why women are at breaking point

WHY WOMEN ARE AT BREAKING POINT

it’s almost a year now since the first lockdown brought Britain to a standstill, although in some ways it feels like a lifetime.

The pandemic has transformed everything, from work and relationships down to the way we dress and sleep. (Yes, Covid-somnia is real; nearly one in three women said they lay awake at night worrying during the first lockdown, according to research from the University of Southampton.)

Millions of us stayed home for months to save lives, but that in turn was lifethreatening for some, with calls to domestic violence helplines soaring as women found themselves trapped inside with abusive partners. Jobs vanished overnight as the shutters rolled down on bars and gyms, shops and hairdressers. And there was heartache too for women whose IVF treatment was suspended, or whose dating lives were put on ice.

For mothers trying to work from home with no childcare, meanwhile, it’s been a crazed year of trying to look vaguely professional on Zoom while bribing the kids with endless episodes of Paw Patrol. Women did three hours’ childcare to every two done by men last spring, and are more likely than dads to have home-schooled through the winter lockdown, too. A year on, we still don’t know what the long-term impact on our careers might be.

It’s too early to tell whether Britain will experience a ‘she-cession’ like the one unfolding in the US, with more women than men losing their jobs, because over here the Government’s furlough scheme is still propping up businesses that might otherwise have gone bust. So far, official unemployment figures show it’s men who have been hardest hit, possibly because so many of the frontline jobs proving essential in a pandemic – from stacking

supermarket shelves to working in intensive care or keeping schools open for key workers’ children – are female-dominated. Three-quarters of NHS staff are women, as are almost two-thirds of teachers.

But women were more likely than men to be furloughed in the first wave of the pandemic, partly because the industries hardest hit by lockdown are also femaledominated, from restaurants to retail – with high-street names, including Topshop and Debenhams, going under. So the full picture for jobs won’t be clear until furlough ends, most likely in summer, and we see how many businesses can bounce back.

‘The worry is what happens next with redundancies,’ says Felicia Willow, interim chief executive of the Fawcett Society, which campaigns for gender equality. ‘I think of it as like a tsunami, and furlough has been holding it back.’ There are also fears that pregnant women and new mothers may face discrimination in what’s likely to be a tough labour market, which is why Willow wants ministers to collect data not just on redundancies, but on which employees in particular bear the brunt of them. ‘Are we going to see women taking the burden of it again, as they have throughout the pandemic?’ says Willow.

Another key way of tracking what’s happening is through our pay packets, which is why Grazia successfully campaigned to bring back gender pay gap reporting by companies. (It was suspended last spring when the first lockdown plunged businesses into chaos, but ministers recently confirmed that companies will once again have to publish anonymised details of what they pay male and female employees from this autumn). As MPS on Parliament’s Women And Equality Select Committee argued recently, ‘given the high number of women who have been furloughed or worked reduced hours due to caring responsibilities’ during the last year, if anything it’s more important than ever to know whether that pressure translated into permanent damage to salaries and career prospects.

With all the uncertainty hanging over us, it’s perhaps unsurprising that women’s mental health has also suffered over the last year, with Black women (who are more likely to work in stressful frontline jobs, or to be financially insecure) at especially high risk. Women were more likely than men to admit feeling anxious, depressed or lonely during the pandemic, according to

University College London’s Covid-19 social study, which explores how the virus is changing behaviour.

The good news, however, is that female happiness scores also bounced back more quickly when lockdown was over. That might be because women tended to have more close friends, so missed them more when socialising was restricted, according to research from Public Health England. If so, then even being allowed to sit down for an al fresco coffee with a mate now might make a surprisingly big difference.

But it will take more than the return of picnics in the park to undo some of the damage done. So, Grazia asked a range of women to explain how the pandemic has shaped their lives, since acknowledging what is happening is the first step towards tackling the problem.

Gaby has written the introduction to the first UK ebook edition of ‘The Feminine Mystique’ by Betty Friedan(thread, out now)

WOMEN WERE MORE LIKELY THAN MEN TO ADMIT FEELING ANXIOUS, DEPRESSED OR LONELY

MAGGIE *, 41

I was getting on with it for 10 months, working as a project manager for a large multinational from home, without childcare and with the schools off for a lot of that. But when the children started home-schooling again in January, the expectations coming from school seemed to be much higher this time round. The message from work had changed too; the pressure was on.

I felt like I had no choice but to keep going – but I didn’t feel like I could any more. I could constantly feel my heart beating in my chest. I did some counselling sessions but I was going out to the car to try and get some privacy and it just felt like another obligation – so I stopped.

One day, on a video meeting, someone from HR asked me if I was OK – and I burst out crying. She told me I couldn’t go on like this. After that, I spoke to the doctor, who signed me off work with chronic stress and anxiety. But I was still here in my tiny house with my husband and three kids. There was just one thing off my plate: my paid work. After two weeks, I still felt awful and the doctor prescribed medication. I have never been on SSRIS before. I have no shame about taking medication, but I do resent that circumstances have driven me to this.

I feel guilty, like I’ve opted out. I have sick pay, which I am so grateful for, but now I think some people in work view me as someone who is unreliable. It’s like I’m on the mummy track; they don’t see me as credible. I feel like I’ve failed, I wasn’t able to power on like some others in my workplace were. My confidence has gone through the floor.

Anyone can contact Samaritans free at any time from any phone on 116 123

KIM *, 33

I had been working in marketing for a hospitality company for more than 15 years when I had my first baby in July 2019. When it came to July 2020 and it was time for me to go back, the office was shut. My employer wouldn’t furlough me or let me work from home. Nearly everyone at the business has been furloughed for almost a year, but I haven’t been. I have not been treated as a worker because I was on maternity leave when it all happened. I haven’t been paid in eight months, not a penny. I still technically work for them but now I don’t have much communication with my employer. They haven’t even told me why they won’t furlough me.

I feel pushed out because I had a baby. Citizens Advice told me to claim Universal Credit but I can’t as my partner works. I can’t claim Jobseeker’s Allowance, either, as I’m technically employed. And if I resign, I lose all my rights. My fiancé has been furloughed so we are living on 80% of his salary. We were planning to buy a house but I’ve been dipping into my savings.

It’s been awful. I loved my job, it’s all I had known for my entire adult life, and I was so close to my boss and colleagues. I feel isolated; I’m sitting at home with a baby and I don’t know who to reach out to. This is a completely new situation that has happened because of Covid. I’m in limbo. It’s hard, really hard. There are a lot of sleepless nights.

To discuss your employment rights as a parent during the Covid-19 crisis, call Pregnant Then Screwed on 0161 222 9879

WORKING FROM HOME AND HOME-SCHOOLING HAS ME SIGNED OFF WITH CHRONIC STRESS MY EMPLOYER WON’T FURLOUGH ME BECAUSE I WAS ON MATERNITY LEAVE WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT