How to handle others’ grief

AS WE START TO meet up with friends, colleagues and acquaintances again, we’re conscious that, for some, living through a pandemic has not just been boring or stressful, but left them grieving. Julia Samuel, psychotherapist, author of This Too Shall Pass (£9.99, Penguin Life) and host of podcast A Living Loss, shares how to be emotionally intelligent as we unlock.

Adapt to different connections with different people

With close friends who you’ve been in touch with all year, your relationship will already be warm, open and connected, so a meeting is more likely joyous and straightforward. However, with someone you haven’t seen all year, start with a more generalised conversation, for they might have had a terrible time – so, go slowly and allow the information to unfold at their pace.

Be conscious when asking questions

Of course we want to find out about each other’s experience, but we also want to be sensitive to everyone’s individual circumstances. Asking direct questions might be felt as intrusive. A gentler route to exchanging information is often starting with yourself. For example, ‘I got Covid but I wasn’t very ill,’ then someone can choose to tell you about themselves or not. Or simply ask a general open question: how have you been?

What to say if someone has suffered a loss

Hundreds of thousands of people have been bereaved of a significant person in their life because of Covid-19, or had a major living loss, such as losing their job or a break-up. Acknowledge their loss. Say, ‘I am so sorry this has happened to you.’ And listen – really pay attention and be empathic. Don’t try to fix their difficulty. Instead, offer your time, love and care.