Polly Vernon has her say
I DO NOT APPROVE of memes: the dad jokes of the internet, founded on the principle a not-especially-funny thing becomes funnier with repetition, except: does it? Still, on the first anniversary of the first lockdown (23 March) I will indulge a currentish meme: the How it began Vs How it’s going concept, through the prism of which we can reflect on this bizarre episode…
How it started
OK, lockdown. Not a crisis, a challenge! A time for contemplation, a gentle bootcamp of the soul. And when it is over – two weeks, max? – I’ll emerge, the spiritual equivalent of a butterfly coming out of the chrysalis of restrictions, and everyone will admire how emotionally and intellectually refreshed I am!
How it’s going
Sure, hun. Sure you will.
How it started
Zoom’s rather fun! Shall we do a pub quiz?
How it’s going
Sorry. I totally tried to join your birthday virtual cocktails, but, SO weird, the link didn’t work? And my internet dropped out? And my cat ate my ipad and… I didn’t.
How it started
I’m baking banana bread and going vegan! Or: cutting out processed sugar! Or: both!
How it’s going
Sometimes, I only eat breakfast foods. Porridge for actual breakfast, bacon for lunch breakfast, eggs for supper breakfast. And who is to say Tony’s Chocolonely isn’t a balanced meal in itself ? And sometimes I cry because I cannot take another day of my own food, which tastes the same, whatever it’s meant to be.
How it started
Oh no, what if I can’t go on my fancy ladies’ yoga holiday to Umbria, which I really really need or I shall never find My Equilibrium?
How it’s going
Goodie, it’s nearly time to get drunk in parks on G&T tinnies, eat crisps, pee in bushes, aka The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
How it started
I guess I could give a tracksuit a whirl?
How it’s going
Grey marl for Monday; Tuesday is ecru; graphite on Wednesday; Thursday is pink; tie-dye for fancy; hoodie up if it’s raining; oopsie, I seem to have developed permanent indentations on my lower calf where the elasticated legs have dug in.
How it started
I shall re-read[1] the classics.
How it’s going
Yes, Netflix! Play on!
How it started
I shall learn French.
How it’s going
I have learned face contouring.
How it started
I shall keep a daily gratitude diary.
How it’s going
23 March 2021: Dear Diary, f*ck off. read