The return of Beywatch
WHEN RISING SEA levels render Earth uninhabitable, future alien life forms will have their work cut out unravelling the great mysteries of human civilisation. How did the Ancient Egyptians transport four million tonnes of limestone to create the pyramids? Was the lost city of Atlantis based on a real settlement? Who was James Corden and why was he banished from the UK?
But perhaps the biggest enigma of modern times will remain the mythical leader who united nations while barely saying a word. I am, of course, referring to Beyoncé. Born of human parents and plucked from obscurity as a child, details about the chosen one are scarcer than coherent sentences uttered by Priti Patel. For years at a time Beyoncé lies dormant, doing who knows what, before rising again like Jesus from his tomb to deliver yet another sermon in being *that* bitch.
In June, Bey deleted all posts from her social media, with oracles forecasting that this heralded the arrival of a new Ivy Park range, vegan meal service or deluxe socks. But once again the elders were misled. While Beyoncé’s last two albums dropped unannounced from the sky like angelic messengers, her seventh – Renaissance
– was preceded by an Instagram caption: ‘act 1… RENAISSANCE’. Soon after, British Vogue ran a cover profile of the star in which she spoke just nine words: ‘My earth, my heart, my soil and my sanity.’ Food for thought, indeed. Equally gnomic were the items added to her official store: box sets with a mystery tee, booklet, poster and that rarest of relics – a compact disc.
Then Bey dropped the album’s first single, Break My Soul, in which she declared that she was on a ‘new vibration’. While further details of this frequency remain closely guarded, fans and soothsayers have begun filling in the blanks, commencing a period of Beywatching. According to reports, the new record will be the first instalment of a multi-part album (either someone’s been talking to the tarot, or captioning it ‘act 1’ was a giveaway). Others have suggested that Bey will perform secret pop-up shows in the UK. What is almost certain is that Beyoncé herself will say very little.
At some point around 2014, Bey stopped deigning to grant face-to-face interviews. On the rare occasion that she does answer questions, they tend to be over email, or taped for TV. Why? It’s possible that she has realised that her social media audience dwarfs the readership of any publication, and she can promote her message without any intermediary. Her silent era followed elevator footage of her sister attacking her husband, while she gazed on serenely.
Speaking on her micromanaged 2013 documentary, Beyoncé: Life Is But A Dream, she compared herself to Nina Simone, saying, ‘When Nina Simone put out music, you loved her voice. You didn’t get brainwashed by her day-to-day life. It shouldn’t influence the way you listen to the voice and the art, but it does.’ Beyoncé doesn’t have to play the game like other celebrities, because she is not like them. In one of her final interviews, she reflected that she was, ‘more powerful than [her] mind can even digest and understand’. It was perhaps her only pronouncement to which mere mortals could relate.
EIGHT SERIES IN , the Love Island fame machine is firing on all cylinders, spewing out ready-made influencers who – if they play their cards right – can make millions in lucrative contracts and #sponcon collaborations. Compared to the piddling £50,000 prize money the winning couple must share, it’s the potentially life-changing social media clout the Islanders leave the villa with that really matters.
Often, Islanders are already successful in the influencer sphere before they even set foot in the villa. Jourdan Riane, India Reynolds and Molly-mae Hague all famously arrived in Mallorca with hundreds of thousands of followers and eye-watering brand deals already in place. It was the same this year with bombshell Ekin-su Cülcüloğlu – who’s fast become the MVP.
But even if a contestant doesn’t join Love Island commanding a significant social following, they’re going to leave with one. From the second cast members are announced (or even just rumoured to be joining) their follower count rockets. The number of new followers an Islander pulls in after their first episode is a good indicator of their potential to become a show favourite. On this season’s first night, Gemma Owen – daughter of ex-footballer Michael – had 79,500 Instagram followers;