It’s not all men but it is every woman
I TRULY don’t know how to write this in a way that would be deemed ‘uncontroversial’. But, I’m sure the title and the news in the past week hints at my theme, and my anger. Sarah Everard.
A woman. A woman who followed all of the ‘rules’. She had her phone with her. She wore ‘sensible clothing’. She carried her keys with her. However, here we are. Sarah Everard’s case is a wake-up call. Despite following the entire set of standard protocols we as women ‘should’ follow to avoid being kidnapped or assaulted, she was still kidnapped and killed. She followed these rules.
As women for centuries we have been encouraged to be silent, but personally I can’t keep silent anymore. In this world, women are constantly sexualised by the media and by men. Now I’m not accusing ‘all men’ of being this way, as this ‘not all men’ movement caused huge controversy in the media last week. Unwilling to let the ‘not all men’ brigade drown out women’s accounts, actor and activist Jameela Jamil argues on her social media feed. “It’s true that not all men harm women. But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behaviour in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/ consent with their sons?”
As women we don’t know which men are the ‘good guys’ when we walk along the road or in the park. Women are asking men to respect our safety. We aren’t disregarding you, we aren’t oppressing you, what we’re doing is begging you to listen. We have been degraded and silenced for years and we merely want to feel safer and heard.
So, when we’re walking at night alone, please cross the road, or daytime if we’re wearing a short skirt, low cut top or shorts, please don’t comment or judge us.
Our clothes aren’t the issue. We just want to wear what we please without living in fear of a cat call or wolf whistle. You can walk the streets with your shirts off without judgement, so let us be.
The sad fact is that I don’t know one female in my life who hasn’t been cat-called, and I’m 15. How do we live in a world like this? I cannot tell you the amount of comments I have received, that I now reflect on and realise were pure misogyny.
Coincidently they were all said by boys. From ‘you’re frigid’ in year 7 to ‘why are you so bossy?’ the list goes on, as it does for every woman. Not only is it this fear of going anywhere without keys a coat or our phones, the fear of being cat called or kidnapped, or being oppressed, but it’s also the expected beauty standards. Internalised misogyny.
We are both desired and respected by men, or we are not seen and disrespected. The media push a look, then its ‘juice diets’ for a flat stomach, hair removal, foundation for smoother skin, lip injections …. Some do everything for approval from men because they’re anxious. The worry of not being respected causes some to resort to surgeries or invasive beauty treatments, they then become the centre of either desire and insulted as “looks that ask for it”.
The moral of the story is nothing women do will be ‘desirable’ enough to be respected entirely by some men; genuine men will not judge our looks but the whole woman and will respect her safety and choices.
We need to use our voices stronger than before. Speak out about the levels of violence and assault against women of all shapes, sizes, races and beauty standards.
Men need to simply respect us and our wishes to make us safer in this world. We need to work together both male and female to make the women of this world feel safer whilst being themselves and outdoors.
So yes, it may not be all men, but it is every woman. This is dedicated to Sarah Everard and every single woman who has felt oppressed or silenced. I hear you. I see you. I respect you.
The sad fact is that I don’t know one female in my life who hasn’t been cat-called, and I’m 15. How do we live in a world like this?