YOU’RE NOT ALONE
FAMS group there to help people through worst time
Ann Marie, Roslyn and Meg are all Lanarkshire mums who have experienced loss of unimaginable magnitude.
For Anne Marie Cocozza, of Hamilton, was only nine years old when she made the first of three attempts to take her own life after years of abuse.
Roslyn Mcgilvray’s 20-year-old son, Paul Gerard (PG) Mcgilvray, also of Hamilton, was brutally murdered in Coatbridge in 2004 by a frenzied knifeman who bragged to police he enjoyed it. He was Ann Marie’s nephew.
And Meg Mccloy’s tormented 17-year-old boy, Steven, chose suicide as the ultimate escape from years of relentless bullying.
Yet, instead of allowing the grief and tragedy of suicide and murder to define them, the three survivors are standing defiant with a shared purpose of ending the heartache they have endured by launching Lanarkshire-based charity, Families and Friends Affected by Murder and Suicide (FAMS).
FAMS currently has 25 active members from across Lanarkshire, each with their own story to tell.
There is a tangible sense of positivity in the air as they fuss over the threemonth-old rosy-cheeked baby whose mum, Charlotte Cassidy, tried to take her own life three times between the ages of 13 and 17.
Fittingly, the baby girl, who epitomises everything FAMS strives for, is named Hope.
Ann Marie, Roslyn and Meg came together in a meeting of minds in 2013 to form FAMS.
Recently retired chairperson Ann Marie is evidence, if it were needed, that suicide is no longer the last taboo.
She speaks candidly about the mental health issues she battled with as a survivor of child abuse and the untreated post traumatic stress disorder that resulted in three suicide attempts, the first at the age of nine, then at 15 – and most recently in her 50s.
News of the recent loss of two more young people in Lanarkshire hit all of FAMS’ members particularly hard.
“FAMS’ aim is to engage with the youth of today – the next generation. If we are going to reduce or stop suicide, it will be through educating and raising awareness among young adults,” explained Ann Marie who recently met pupils at Coltness High to do just that.
“Any mother I have met whose child has been murdered or has taken their own life has, herself, felt suicidal. When someone dies through suicide, quite often children in the family are forgotten.
“In their grief and chaos, parents try to protect children, who as a result become forgotten victims.”
Charlotte Cassidy was one of those ‘forgotten victims.’
She was nine years old when she discovered the truth about the circumstances surrounding her dad’s death seven years previously.
George Balmer was only 28 when Charlotte’s mum, Grace O’neil, discovered him dead on the floor of their Bellshill home. He had taken his own life.
“He took his life when I was two. He left a note saying: ‘If this works, tell Charlotte I am sorry.’ I had all this anger for everybody. I was self harming and tried to take my own life a couple of times,” explained Charlotte, who says she wore long sleeves to hide the scars
You don’t need to explain or make someone understand
on her wrists from her mum.
Meg Mccloy’s son, Steven, was Charlotte’s best friend at school. His death from suicide added to her torture and, shortly afterwards, she made her third attempt to take her own life at the age of 17.
Steven’s mum’s involvement as a cofounder of FAMS led Charlotte to the charity’s door. It was to be her salvation.
“In the group, you don’t need to explain and try and get them to understand because they have that direct understanding,” said mumof-two Charlotte (24), of Viewpark, whose forearms are now decorated in colourful tattoos to hide the scars that would otherwise betray the torture of her teenage years.
But she can’t shield the memory of that time in her life from mum Grace, whose partner’s death left her broken and on her own with a toddler.
Grace said: “I told her:’daddy is an angel now.’ I told her he got sick and choked on his vomit. I lied to her to protect her.
“I wanted to wait until she was old enough and ready to accept it before telling her the truth.
“When she found out, it changed that lassie’s personality from a wee funloving girl to storing everything up inside because she no longer trusted me.
“She started to self-harm. I cursed her dad. I hated him. I loved him.
“I had all different emotions because of what he had left me to deal with.”
Her introduction to FAMS allowed her to express herself and open up.
“This saved my daughter’s life. There is only so much you can tell your mum,” said Grace (50).
“Here, she can talk to people in her age group she can relate to who have the same feelings.”
Sixteen-year-old Louise Mccann, of Coltness, is another young person who found her voice through FAMS while battling depression and feeling the pressures of school and family life.
“This time last year, I was suffering from being depressed and started to have suicidal thoughts,” admits Louise, who was introduced to FAMS by Grace, her aunt.
“I had my heart set on taking my own life. I had it all planned out.
“Knowing you are not the only one and knowing there are ways around it and there is someone to talk to at any time who has been through what you have been through made all the difference. It saved my life.”
FAMS charge nothing to assist those in need. Volunteers give freely of their time and skills trying to prevent other families from facing the experiences that they have had to suffer. Anyone wishing to assist the charity but are unable to volunteer is asked to please consider a donation to greatly assist FAMS to help save lives and tackle the stigma of mental illness. Contact them on 07736 326 062.