Exploration of loss, grief and depression strikes a chord
A Lanarkshire dad has published his own book detailing his difficult journey of dealing with grief and depression in the hope of helping others.
Stewart Patterson struggled to cope with the loss of his father, Billy Patterson, five years ago after he died suddenly, aged 66.
It left the writer from Bellshill suffering from mental illness, where he later experienced suicidal thoughts.
But it was an appointment with his GP that Stewart says saved his life as he began to seek help.
Now, the 36-year-old is a qualified mental health first aider and has already received an overwhelming response to his book titled ‘Moon River and Me: A Personal Account of Loss, Grief and Depression’, after its release last month.
Stewart told the Advertiser: “At first, the writing was just to try and make me feel better in some way and create a sounding board. It was never intended to be something I’d share.
“It was a collection of my own thoughts and feelings and before I knew it after a few months I had lots of content.
“It was around 10 months after my dad passed away that I began to keep a wee blog and by then my mental health had deteriorated.
“It was never something I had encountered before. I had never been depressed or struggled with social anxiety. But when this happened I realised it wasn’t just grief anymore, it had evolved into an illness.
“I began trying to read a lot of stuff to help myself but there wasn’t a lot out there that I could relate to about depression, so that was one of the main drivers of writing the book.”
Now a student of business and human resources, Stewart, a former resident of Hamilton, hopes to tie in his passion of helping people with mental illness with problems faced in the workplace.
And in particular, the constant stigma attached to males’ mental health has been a driver for him.
“The statistics in this country of male suicides are atrocious”, Stewart said.
“It’s terrifying, and I’ve been there unfortunately. But the best thing I ever did was speak with my doctor.
It really did save my life.
“The book so far has removed a lot of barriers. I’ve had pals I’ve known for a long time and it’s opened the dialogue for them to feel safe and comfortable actually speaking to me about their mental health.
“So my hope is for the book to try and normalise this conversation, and in particular in the workplace. You’re there for 40 hours a week sometimes, and it’s not something you can just switch off.
“Some of my worst experiences were actually at work, just feeling so distressed and so alone.”
He continued: “Death and grief is universal, but the depression that can come after, people wouldn’t anticipate that. I certainly didn’t, but I think speaking about it and normalising it helps.
“My doctor is a big part of how well I’ve recovered. It wasn’t as clinical as what I feared it would be. It was the opposite on a human level, and I’m very grateful for that. I sent her a copy of my book with a personalised message in it for what she did for me.
“The release coincides with my dad’s fifth anniversary and that was the time it took me to build up the courage to share what I was going through.
“It’s very personal, it sends shivers down my spine some of it. In terms of being suicidal, I was so terrified of being open about that to anyone. But after talking to my GP about it I honestly felt so relieved and things started to get better. Because I was able to confide with her, I was more able to confide in others around me.”
Stewart has been touched by the reception he’s had to his book so far as strangers have got in touch with him through social media and have been confiding in him.
The dad -of-three added: “It’s been overwhelming, very well received. It was actually number two in the Kindle popular releases chart which was great to see.
“I’ve had sales in America, New Zealand, Australia and Canada so it seems to be organically growing and that will only improve the positive impact I hope it makes.”
Stewart’s book is available on Amazon.