I’m a Gone Girl – gone to see a de­cent film, that is

Harefield Gazette - - OPINION -

AP­PAR­ENTLY you need to be a child, child-like, or reg­u­larly ac­com­pa­ny­ing one, to be con­sid­ered a vi­able cus­tomer at the Odeon cin­ema in Uxbridge. The re­cent pub­lic­ity about the film Mr Turner has been so good – five stars in ev­ery re­view I’ve read – that Mr F and I were re­ally look­ing for­ward to tod­dling up the road to our lo­cal cin­ema to see it.

So, I was more than a lit­tle miffed when, while shop­ping in intu, I popped in to the cin­ema to check the film times – only to find that Mr T won’t be show­ing there at all.

A Pleas­ant Mem­ber of Staff (PMOS), ex­plained that the Uxbridge branch of the chain con­cen­trates on fam­ily pro­grammes and doesn’t show films like that. (Like what? Good films, you mean, or ex­treme hor­ror?)

Also it was half-term hol­i­day. (Mean­ing what? Adults should stay in­doors?) Sens­ing my grow­ing un­hap­pi­ness, she dan­ger­ously added that we could view Mr Turner in Rich­mond.

As we have only one cin­ema in Hilling­don bor­ough, it seems, dear reader, that we have been con­signed to a cul­tural desert. Worse, those of us who live within spit­ting dis­tance of the town are not be­ing al­lowed to see the most lauded grown-up film for ages at our lo­cal pic­ture house.

What does it say about Uxbridge – that we should be kept cul­ture-free and per­ma­nently in La La Land? How pa­tro­n­is­ing.

Yes, I know the Odeon streams high­brow stuff from the NT oc­ca­sion­ally, and they have spe­cial se­nior screen ses­sions for oldies – which are all past their sell-by date (the films that is).

But why set­tle for morsels? We should be able to see cur­rent, highly ac­claimed films when they come out; like grown-ups who live in other parts of London.

I re­minded the PMOS that Gone Girl had just been on and that is an 18 cert with adult themes, and a bit gory at one point.

“Oh yes,” she said, miss­ing the point com­pletely, “that’s been a very popular film.”

So, let me get this right. It’s only films for the masses we are al­lowed. Give me strength.

Never mind, Teenage Mu­tant Ninja Tur­tles is cur­rently show­ing at the Odeon. Or how about Alexan­der and the Ter­ri­ble, Hor­ri­ble, No Good, Very Bad Day?

I know how he feels… Email me (see above) or catch up at www.getwest­lon­don.co.uk/au­thors/ bar­bara-fisher/

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