Our plan for Fisher’s Fes­tive Fun put on ice

Harefield Gazette - - OPINION -

SOUND the trum­pets. Santa’s com­ing to town. Never mind about the Ruis­lip Win­ter Won­der­land be­ing can­celled, or Lau­rence Llewe­lyn-Bowen’s fes­tive fail­ure, I am plan­ning a re­place­ment theme park in Hilling­don to which you are all in­vited for a mod­est fee.

Fisher’s Fes­tive Fun will not be staffed by swear­ing San­tas or smoking elves and there will def­i­nitely be no mud, be­cause it will be in our garage.

We’ve had a good clear-out at home, one of sev­eral de­clut­ters this year, so we won’t be short of junk – sorry, gifts – for the chil­dren, and I will have a flask of cof­fee and a fam­ily-size tin of bis­cuits on the go. Mi­nus the cus­tard creams.

Mr F, who has re­luc­tantly agreed to be Fa­ther Christ­mas, is in­sist­ing on wear­ing his monk’s cos­tume (bought for FJ’s birth­day party in a Welsh cas­tle in Oc­to­ber), which may con­fuse the chil­dren and frighten the rein­deer. The lat­ter I’m hop­ing will be pro­vided by Hare­field Dogs’ Trust. I’ve al­ready bought the stick-on antlers.

My Mr F-mas is also threat­en­ing to hide a hip flask un­der his robes – to keep warm in his grotto he says – but I re­mind him ‘Santa is­sues’ were part of Mr L-B’s down­fall. Well, that, and the ‘chav’ elves hav­ing to push a train up a hill while other Santa’s Lit­tle Helpers sat around smoking.

That’s ac­cord­ing to Face­book com­ments, which are of course al­ways 100 per cent ac­cu­rate. Or in The X Fac­tor lan­guage, ‘150 per cent’ ac­cu­rate. So an­noy­ing.

Oh no… ap­par­ently a new, im­proved L-B model has opened and I have also been re­minded of the long-es­tab­lished London ex­trav­a­ganza in Hyde Park.

Per­haps the Fisher model had bet­ter go on ice (ha) for another year. At least we’ll be ready and pre­pared to save the day.

I HOPE you’ll be sup­port­ing one of our lo­cal pan­tomimes. They are great fun for the whole fam­ily and can pro­vide a bril­liant in­tro­duc­tion to live the­atre for the very young.

My mum took me to see Cin­derella when I was three years old, and I was hooked.

I still lap up the magic and shout, ‘He’s be­hind you’ at ev­ery op­por­tu­nity in all sorts of places. But never in a quiet train car­riage.

Have a great Christ­mas – and thank you for all your emails this year. Here’s to a healthy and happy 2015.

Catch up at www.getwest­lon­don. co.uk/au­thors/bar­bara-fisher/

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