Technology to drive you round the bend

OUR old Satnav has been consigned to the rubbish heap after it failed time after time to find a signal (how hard can it be?) and eventually gave up speaking to us altogether.

On its final mission it abandoned me on a solo journey in the middle of Wales where even the sheep couldn’t point me in the right direction.

I suspect it was fed up with Mr F arguing with it, as he was always sure he knew the way better than the Satnav. Our journeys, when I was the driver, often ended up with me screaming ‘which way? which way?’ while desperately circling a roundabout as they fought it out.

They were oblivious to the fact that I was fighting frustration – not to say fury – and had a pressing need to stop my dizzying circumnavigation and find a way forward. Mr F used to be a brilliant navigator – with maps.

Once, trying to find a hotel, in the middle of nowhere, our Satnav took us to a dead end on a deserted, dodgy-looking industrial estate. We began to think it preferred to stay local so was deliberately sabotaging any trips that went further than High Wycombe.

Remember the Channel 4 TV drama Humans, which I’ve commented on before?

It was a very scary glimpse into a possible future taken over by machines. Intelligent young people were in despair about their future. Why spend years training to be a doctor when there are ‘synths’ programmed in seconds to do the same job?

Problems also started when a man, fed up with keeping the house and family going while his lawyer wife is away, goes to the supermarket to buy a synth to do the housework, cook and keep his children in order.

She returns to find she has been usurped by a robot who also happens to be stunningly beautiful, which is particularly unsettling for her husband and teenage son.

Mr F is enjoyed this a bit too much so I’m keeping any eye on Ms Satnav 2. If she starts sending me in the direction of Beachy Head, she’ll be dismissed and replaced by a male version.

The good news is that our latest driving robot has a sense of humour. Satnav Mark 2 has given us some wonderful mispronunciations such as Swacker-leeez roundabout, instead of Swakeleys.

Perhaps we’ll keep her.