Gone To Pot: Amer­i­can Road Trip

ITV, Mon 13, Wed 14 & Fri 15 Novem­ber, 9pm

Heat (UK) - - The Unmissables -

In­ter­lull is a phrase foot­ball fans use when there’s a break in the ex­cit­ing run of league games to fit in the much duller in­ter­na­tional matches, as in, “I’m re­ally bored with the in­ter­lull, so I might go see some bal­let.” When watch­ing ITV’S new three-parter Gone To Pot, about a bunch of celebri­ties of a cer­tain age gath­er­ing to test out mar­i­juana on a US road trip, I was tempted to coin the word “Jun­gle-lull”. Be­cause they’re ob­vi­ously squeez­ing all the episodes of this frankly less-than-vi­tal se­ries into the sched­ule be­fore I’m A Celebrity starts the fol­low­ing week. The set-up is pretty ran­dom, even by TV celeb trav­el­ogue stan­dards. They’ve gath­ered Birds Of A Feather ac­tress Linda Rob­son, ex-eas­ten­der Pam St Cle­ment, re­tired foot­baller John Fashanu, darts dude Bobby Ge­orge and the great Chris Big­gins, to “ex­plore the use of mar­i­juana for both med­i­cal and recre­ational pur­poses in US states where it is le­gal”. Like you do. In other words, some TV exec some­where saw that the BBC’S ma­ture celeb travel show The Real Ex­otic Marigold Ho­tel was a smash hit, thought, “We’ll have some of that old­ster re­al­ity TV ac­tion and we can watch them get­ting out of their brains on pot!” To be fair, it is ac­tu­ally quite amus­ing to see the as­sem­bled fa­mouses smok­ing puff with a bunch of hippy nuns, while the eter­nally up­tight Fashanu grum­bles with dis­ap­proval. And it is amaz­ing to see Linda com­plain­ing about a manky mo­tel they have to stay in, dub­bing it “The Si­mon Bates Mo­tel”, when pre­sum­ably she means Norman Bates out of Psy­cho. But one hour of this stuff is surely more than enough, even in the “Jun­gle-lull”.

Robert’s cer­tainly got some co­jones on him. De­spite hav­ing a lot on his mind (what with ad­just­ing to life out of the slam­mer and go­ing com­pletely grey in the process – more on that be­low), he’s still got enough time to be Cor­rie’s res­i­dent have-a-go­hero. Next week, Robert no­tices Joseph dart­ing across the street and into the path of the Bistro van, so hero­ically throws him­self in the way to try and res­cue him. While, I won’t spoil the sur­prise of whether he ac­tu­ally man­ages to get to him in time (here’s hop­ing , though, be­cause the Grim Reaper’s done over­time on the cob­bles re­cently), it does beg the ques­tion that, if he’s brave enough to risk his life for the lit­tle ’un, why can’t he man up in terms of his ac­tual balls? Dur­ing a heart to heart with Michelle in the hos­pi­tal, where he lands up af­ter his heroic an­tics, Robert ’fesses up that he ac­tu­ally dis­cov­ered the lump weeks ago, but was ba­si­cally in some kind of de­nial, so didn’t do any­thing about it.

Luck­ily, feisty Michelle de­cides to take mat­ters, um, into her own hands and ar­ranges for him to have an ap­point­ment with a urol­o­gist who im­me­di­ately rec­om­mends Robert has a scan. Un­for­tu­nately for the loved-up cou­ple, the re­sults aren’t good, and the doc­tor re­veals the lump is most likely ma­lig­nant and that they’ll have to re­move Robert’s tes­ti­cle as soon as pos­si­ble. But given how deeply he’s been bury­ing his head in the sand and his deep aver­sion to hos­pi­tals since his dad’s can­cer, will Robert ac­tu­ally agree to have the op­er­a­tion? Oh, and to make mat­ters a mil­lion times worse – be­cause ap­par­ently that is pos­si­ble – Robert de­cides in his in­fi­nite wis­dom that the best way to for­get about his ill­ness is to hit up the casino. Hard. And while sen­si­ble Johnny tries to drag him home be­fore he loses the shirt off his back, Robert’s un­de­terred and stays till the bit­ter end. Oh dear.

Some­one was high when they came up with the idea for this

Grow some balls and lose a ball, Robbo

Watch out!

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