Festive fizz test
Chelsea’s finest sample the best bubbles you can buy this Christmas…
Barely an episode of MIC passes without members of the cast quaffing a glass of fizz while they bitch about the latest ill-advised hook-up. So, who better to invite into our Alpine plonk-tasting ski lodge than Alex Mytton and Miles Nazaire? “I’m a wine connoisseur,” Miles tells us. “I can tell if something is a prosecco or a Champagne, because I’m French.” With a line-up of everything from cava to prosecco to sparkling wine, we’re interested to see how the Chelsea boys get on in our blind taste test. “The thing with Champagne is that it gives you terrible headaches, and I can get pissed off it quite quickly,” Alex warns us cheerfully. Hmm, this looks like it could be quite an interesting afternoon. Let’s get piste!
Conte Priuli Prosecco,
M&S, £12 The label says: Light, fresh and elegant with flavours of green apple and citrus. Miles: I think this is expensive. It’s not too bitter, which you can get with a cheaper prosecco. Alex: It’s got a slight sweetness to it. I’d probably drink this. M: Me too, and I don’t normally like prosecco. A: Yeah, I’m getting through this. Can you carry me out afterwards? M: I reckon this is definitely a prosecco – perhaps a more expensive one – it doesn’t taste as bitter or as sour as a cheap bottle. heat: You’re right it’s an M&S prosecco. A: Ooh, M&S. It’s not amazing, but it is good.
Plonk points: ★★★★
Cava Brut Reserva, CO-OP, £6.35
The label says: An affordable alternative to Champagne – it tastes of lemon shortbread. M: This looks like cava and I hate cava. A: It’s quite sweet and it’s really fizzy. M: I reckon this is a cheap one. It’s got a strong bitterness and a bit of a sticky aftertaste. A: Yeah, it kind of sticks to your palate. heat: This one is a cava from Co-op. A: I knew it was cava. I could taste Spain.
Plonk points: ★★
Finest Champagne Vintage Grand Cru,
TESCO, £26 The label says: Showing baked apple, citrus and complex toasty aromas with an abundance of ripe fruit on the palate, its fresh and vibrant finish provides a perfect balance. M: This tastes classy. Is this a Champagne? A: It’s almost got a bit of a biscuit taste and the bubbles are really soft. M: Yeah, I could easily drink this. It’s very light on the palate. A: You can tell it’s a nice one as the flavours are quite complex. heat: It’s a Tesco Finest Vintage Grand Cru. M: You can definitely tell it’s pricier than some of the others. A: Yes, I would say this one is dangerously drinkable. Plonk points: ★★★★★
Martini Asti Ice, SAINSBURY’S, £8
The label says: Intense, lightly aromatised with scents of fresh grape, melon, peach and brioche. Sweet, smooth, intense and elegant. M: This is an expensive one – I recognise the smell. A: It reminds me of being in Geneva, weirdly. heat: That’s the poshest thing we’ve ever heard anyone say. Ever. M: See, I told you it was expensive. Oh, that’s sweet – you must like this one, Mytton. A: It can’t be this sweet and be expensive. M: I hate sweet alcohol, but I really don’t mind this one. It’s a bit of a dessert wine. heat: It’s a Martini Asti. M: Oh, interesting. I like this. Although this is the type of alcohol that’ll have you feeling shit in the morning. A: Yep, it’s sticky like the floor of Infernos nightclub in Clapham.
Plonk points: ★★★
The Rhona Brut Rosé,
M&S, £10 The label says: From its elegant pale-salmon hue to its fine mousse and luscious flavours of creamy red berries, this is a notably stylish and highly appealing sparkling rosé. A: Is this is the same one as the last one? I think I’m getting pissed… M: It’s not as fizzy. Normally, you would have to wait for the fizz to subside before you pour again. A: It’s got quite a strange smell. It’s a bit like a fart. M: Yeah, a cheesy fart. A lovely festive fart. A: I don’t want to poo-poo it. Maybe I’m getting into it. heat: It’s a South African rosé from M&S. A: I’m going there soon, so I should be drinking this to prepare myself.
Plonk points: ★★
Champagne Monsigny,
ALDI, £12.49 The label says: This blend of chardonnay, pinot noir and pinot meunier has been aged in cellars to enhance its complexity, elegance and length. M: What is this? I’m not too sure about this one. A: I don’t want to be mean, but I’m not into this. M: This is very yellow, and I think Champagne tastes better when it’s paler. A: What are you talking about, Miles? I don’t mind the colour, I just don’t think it tastes great. Oh no, it’s going to be an expensive one now, isn’t it? heat: It’s a Monsigny Champagne from Aldi. Apparently, it’s made by one of the best Champagne houses in the world. M: Hmmm, it’s a no from me.
Plonk points: ★★
English Sparkling Wine,
ASDA,
£21 The label says: Baked apple, citrus and complex toasty aromas with an abundance of ripe fruit on the palate. M: Ooh, I’m not sure what this is. It’s kind of fruity, but not too sweet. I want to say it’s a prosecco, but I’m not really sure. A: It’s definitely zingy, but after tasting the sweeter ones, this is a bit of a relief. M: There’s no bitter taste to it, which I like.
heat: It’s an awardwinning English sparkling wine. M: Of course it is! Yep, I really quite like this. A: It reminds me of summer – I can imagine sinking a few of these at a garden party. Plonk points: ★★★★
Mionetto Prosecco, MORRISONS, £11
The label says: This has a bouquet redolent of Golden Delicious apples, marked by aromatic notes of honey, golden apple, white peach and acacia blossom. M: I quite like this. It’s light and not too sticky on the palate. A: This definitely tastes a bit more dignified. I would drink it. M: This is the best one so far. Please don’t tell me it’s a prosecco! A: I bet now we’ve said that we love it, it’ll be nasty shit. heat: It is a prosecco. M: Nooo? Maybe I’ve been converted. I’m very pleasantly surprised – and 11 per cent as well. My family like prosecco, so now I know which one to buy.
Plonk points: ★★★★★
I Heart Prosecco,
SAINSBURY’S, £9 The label says: Bursting with classic acacia flower aromas and delicate apple and peach flavours. M: That’s very light. A: It’s very effervescent. That would slide down. You’d get pissed on that really easily. I don’t know if that means it’s an expensive one. M: It’s a bit confusing; I think it’s prosecco, but it doesn’t taste like one. A: It’s much fruitier than the others – light and sweet. heat: It’s I heart Prosecco. M: I’ve seen this brand before. If you’re going for a prosecco, this is a good one – I almost thought it was Champagne.
Plonk points: ★★★★
Extra Special Asti, ASDA, £7
The label says: A moreishly sweet sparkling white bursting with ripe grape flavours M: Why does this smell slightly Pan-asian, like noodles? A: Oof, it’s fruity as hell. It reminds me of Ibiza. M: It reminds me of a Chinese restaurant. A: It’s very sweet. If my sugar levels were low, then I’d drink this. M: [Takes a sip.] No! No! No! heat: It’s from Asda M: Yep, that’s not a surprise. Asti is so sweet. I feel like I’m drinking sugar.
Plonk points: ★★
Freixenet Cava, £11
ASDA, The label says: Fine, intense and fruity aromas combined with the tones of green apple and pear, with light resonance of Mediterranean fruits. M: Wow – this is fizzy. OK, prosecco? This is light and I would definitely drink it. A: It’s very drinkable. It doesn’t last as long in the palate as some, but it’s nice to drink. M: I’d say this is a pricey one. I don’t know why, but it whizz. I mean is. Wow, I’m drunk. Which one is this? heat: It’s the Friexenet. A: Of course it is. I used to buy this all the time. The bottle is great and it’s really drinkable. M: [Smiles.] I love the bottle. Plonk points: ★★★★